


PAROXETINE

by YatsuNarurasuke



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Horror, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Confusion, Dark, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Gore, Horror, Isolation, Mind Break, Mindbender, Mindfuck, Mystery, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror, Psychological Torture, References to Depression, Soldiers, Torture, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, War, gunfight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YatsuNarurasuke/pseuds/YatsuNarurasuke
Summary: "Reality is what you perceive it to be."Naruto. AU [Darker Oneshots, Haloween 2020]
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Collections: Darker Oneshots 2020





	PAROXETINE

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto.
> 
> How's it going, everyone? Well, I haven't posted my old fics on this site yet but this one is very very fresh - well not really, it is actually a day old BUT! it's still new so yeah. 
> 
> Okay. so this oneshot (the loooongest oneshot that I've created – again, I have yet to post my other works) as you can probably see is actually a part of the [DARKER ONESHOTS, HALOWEEN 2020].
> 
> Just a quick background, Darker Oneshots, Haloween 2020 is an event where about 56 authors collaborate and will post their oneshot of their fandom in FFN. AO3 or both every day during the month of October! 
> 
> I really didn't expect to create this 20k something one-shot for this event, I was actually nervous and it probably shows because this fanfic is ALL OVER THE PLACE. It might not be your cup of tea but if you got SO confused then that's fine, that's what you're supposed to feel. But of course, I hope that you will enjoy this fic, I put a lot of time into this and almost went insane (low-key, almost giving it up) but here it is and I just want to say that I did my best and I hope that it's good enough for you guys.
> 
> In advance, if there are any grammatical errors and all of those, I'm very sorry. I should really look for a beta in my stories especially ones that are so long like this. Also, there might be unrealistic things in this fanfic so please do bear with me.
> 
> A quick shoutout and thanks to Seth's Kiss; you're the one who gave me an opportunity to do this and I'm just so thankful to be a part of it. Also, thank you for your patience, I know that I asked a lot of questions during this period.
> 
> And of course, to NekoPantera, you guys really pulled this off. Thank you both for creating and managing this event. And thank you for the time, effort, energy, dedication, and just everything! I really appreciate it and I know that the other authors appreciate both of you as well.
> 
> AND speaking of the other authors, please do check them ALL out. We're already nearing the end of the month and so, there's a lot of great great great oneshots that were posted before this day so please, pretty just please (?), check out their oneshots for this event:
> 
> Here are the authors that posted here in AO3:
> 
> DemonoftheFridge, Sensiblytainted, elleurs, SerenaJones, SethSKiss1331, Yemi_Hikari, SesshomaruFreak, phoenixreal, Kamil_the_Awesome, Alastair, Rhearenee, potashiamu, TheBadIdeaBears 
> 
> And here's the authors in FFN (Just in case anyone is interested, check it out as well) :
> 
> TheBadIdeaBears, Caldera Valhallis, Ferith12, Potashiamu, Kakashi97, Rhearenee, Tartarun, Alastair, Iceburg-sanCPX, Kittyface27, Silirt, Kamil the Awesome, Nazaki-Sama, HisagiKirigakure, Phoenixreal, SesshomaruFreak, Yemi Hikari, Seth's Kiss, Serenajones585, The Token, Shnuggletea. Wrath of Vajra, SereneCalamity, DemonShippingQueen, Nissa Fox, Spunky0ne, Brenna76, DemonoftheFridge, Karkatsbabe, SensiblyTainted, CrimsonRaine87, Silverstar, DancesWithSeatbelts, FrejaBee, Drawingdownthemoon, Elleurs, KurohimeHaruko, TsukikoUchu, WhatIEternallyDesire, Babyvfan, Xache, Jadeile, NekoPantera, Sigan, Bewdofchaos, RayeMoon, ArgentNoelle, AsgardianHobbit98, PhantomGypsy, HoshisamaValmor, Starfire93, Count Morningstar, Max333, Sailor Silver Ladybug
> 
> Important Note: The general ratings for ALL of our oneshots are between M and M+ . So please beware and BE AWARE!
> 
> So, before you start, I wanted to warn you that this fanfic contains:
> 
> Psychological Horror, Mentions and Implications of Mental Illnesses (E.g PTSD, Depression), Violence, Gore, Mindbreak, Dark Themes, and Character Death.
> 
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

#  **PAROXETINE**

**_Red._ **

Everything's painted in red.

The air reeks of the iron-like smell of blood.

Bodies of people sprawled against the cold hard ground.

_Motionless_

Lungs completely out of oxygen.

_Breathless._

Hearts missing every beat.

_Lifeless._

Blood spattered in every crevice on the battleground. Enemies and allies are toppled on one another, their wounds of war are evident on their clothes soaked with their own blood, unfortunately, they are the ones who lose their lives in this war; a battle between life or _death_.

But the war is merciless, it continues to play out and it continues to take lives, not of one but thousands of people.

As he walks and passes each lifeless body, he hears the distant gunshots, a sign that the battle never stops, and that the war never sleeps.

He stares to the distance as the sky slowly turns from the bloody orange hue to the ominous colors of the night. The sun is setting but the night only begins, where the ruthless soldiers' attacks and the newfound danger awakes.

The wind blew and the knowing chills creep into his body.

_Someone is behind him._

"Why?"

The familiar ghastly voice made him shiver as he frantically turns around with his gun raised to see where the voice came from. But he was left confused when he didn't saw anyone or anything behind him, _only the cold looming night._

"Why, Sasuke?"

He turns around and around; the dark surroundings didn't help him to figure out where that voice and the person it belongs to is.

"Why are you doing this?"

He turned to his right once again and got startled, cursing that he almost shot her. _Her._

"What are you doing here?" He took in her appearance and noticed her disheveled state.

She stared at him in shock, her whole body is slightly trembling as she slowly backs up, cowering in fear. Her hair is unkempt, sweat and dirt mixed making the leaves and twigs sticks into her hair. But what made him uneasy is the scratches across her face still fresh and bleeding.

Sasuke steps forward, raising a hand to hold her but she flinched and instantly moves backward as soon as he moved. Confused more than ever, he stands still in his place, "What… happened to you?"

However, instead of calming her down, this only agitated her, protectively putting both of her arms and hands in front of her while her eyes filling up with tears, "P-please! Don't shoot me!"

He was baffled at her words, under no circumstances did he ever came across thinking of shooting her, "I'm no–"

He stops and quivered in terror when he saw himself pointing his gun at her, his forefinger rests on its trigger, ready to pull it any second.

"Please! Sasuke! Don't!" She continuously begs for him to drop the gun, her tears threatening to fall as pleads for her precious life.

"I…" He frenetically moves his arm but it's as if there's some invisible force that wouldn't let him move, not even a small budge of his finger, "I can't…"

This didn't do any relief to her as she began to shed her tears, "No! Please, I… I didn't do anything! I'm innocent! They're just baselessly accusing me!"

Sasuke tried to move his feet but to no avail can he do that as well, he was rooted on the ground, only his eyes and lips move by his will, "No! I… I can't move!"

His words don't seem to reach her though as she fell to her knees, hands clasped together, begging harder than before – if that was even possible. "Sasuke… Please believe me! I would never betray Konoha!"

His mind is running a thousand kilometers as he tries to make sense of what was happening, "I know but I… I can't… I can't control my body!" Stunned and beyond petrified, he tried to break out off of whatever's binding him in place, "I don't know what to do!".

"Please, believe me, Sasuke."

Her pleadings made him flinched, she was on the verge of death by his own hands and yet he can't do anything about it.

"Please don't do this!"

As if he's hearing a ticking clock, he panics and desperately tries to move. He tried to scream for help but this time, even his mouth glued with each other making him unable to speak; he finds himself unable to move his eyes as well, his gaze fixed on the horrifying scene before him.

"Sasuke, please! I'm begging you! I'm innocent!"

It's like a scene from a horror movie where his nightmare became real. The ticking clock is louder this time and with every tick, he knows that soon enough, everything will fall into its place and he can't do anything about it.

_"No! I can't… I need to save her! Run! Just… I can't stop myself."_

The night stills.

The wind blows.

And everything slows.

**_Tic_ **

**_Toc_ **

**_Tic_ **

And slowly he saw himself pulling the trigger.

"Please don't ki–"

**_BANG!_ **

Everything went silent, the world seems to slow down as he pulled the shot. He saw the bullet traveled the short distance between him and her.

He saw how the bullet penetrated the left side of her face, how her head bursts in impact, how her blood splashed everywhere, how her blood splattered on his face. And how her body fell with a sickening sound.

A ringing sound fills his senses as he stares shock at the horrifying scene before him.

The moonlight shines over her body, the red liquid glistens into the night as her hair and clothes turned evil red.

Sasuke's whole body quivers in terror as his breath quickens. His mind couldn't comprehend what had happened before him.

Her lifeless body sprawled on the ground, swimming the pools of her very own blood. The metallic smell of blood lingers in the air and it made him sick. So sick.

At long last, his knees gave out and he can finally move but this time he didn't have the strength to do so. He stares at her lifeless body with disbelief.

"No… NO! This isn't… I… I didn't…"

He harshly grasps his front as his chest tightens. His heart aches and yet at the same time he felt numb and hollow.

"I didn't kill her… I t wasn't me… I… I…"

He mumbles under his breath, again and again, as if it was a mantra. And yet she remained silent.

_Unconscious._

_Lifeless._

_Dead._

He couldn't take away his eyes at her bloodied head. Partly of it burst into pieces, her brain is peaking out of her broken skull, her one sole eye dulled, staring into nothingness.

His stomach lurches, tasting the bile in the back of his throat.

When suddenly, he jolted awake.

Stirring from his dream, a vivid nightmare.

The horror that he witnessed is still fresh from his mind as he hyperventilates.

His eyes moving rapidly as he takes in his dark surroundings.

He's trying to take a glimpse of his hands in the pitch darkness, his mind going wild on thinking whether it was all just a dream or have he really lost his mind and done such a terrible act.

His eyes noticed a movement before him and he turned to look at it before staring at it in shock.

Staring at her in shock.

"Sakura!"

Without wasting any second, he lunged at her and held her between his arms, desperately clinging onto her as if she was his lifeline.

"You're having an attack again."

That voice.

Her voice.

His arms tightened around her as he clutches her clothing in despair.

"I thought you… I thought I…"

He choked up in tears as he relived what had happened,

Sakura noticed this and quickly cradle his face in her hands, staring at him with softness and concern. "Shhh… It's fine. You're. I'm here. We're both safe."

She wrapped her arms around him again running a hand on his back, comforting him in silence. Sasuke, on the other hand, laid his head on her shoulder, his breath still ragged, and his eyes were still wet from tears. They stay that way for a few minutes, waiting for him to calm down completely and slowly.

After a few more minutes of nothing but comforting words and silence, Sasuke's breathing went back to normal, just as his heartbeat steadied and his grasp on Sakura loosens.

"I'm okay now." Sasuke briefly informed her and they slowly part. He was reluctant at first, afraid that he'll find this as one of his nightmares as well.

He stared at her for a while, taking in her appearance, it wasn't like what he just dreamt of. She sits on the edge of his bed, she donned her typical stealth outfit, it was tidy and clean not the disheveled state that she appeared to in his dreams. Her bubblegum hair was tied in a ponytail, it wasn't dirty and messy like in his nightmare and her face is void of scratches, only the tiny scar on her jawline is the flaw that he sees.

_"It was just a nightmare."_ He thought to himself as he stares intently at her.

Sakura simply smiled softly at him, "Is there something of my face?"

Sasuke immediately diverted his gaze, a blush creeping upon his face. His eyes studied his quarters, the lone window on its temporary walls tells him that it was nearing dawn.

"I don't even know why you insisted on sleeping if you're just going to have nightmares." She heaves a sigh beside him while staring at something behind him.

He followed she gazes and saw that she is looking at the sleeping pills that their doctor gave him. He stares at it as well as he briefly remembered all of the nightmares that he's been having ever since he insisted on getting some sleep with the help of the pills.

A shiver runs down his spine as he shakes his head to clear out his mind. He didn't want to remember it again, afraid that he'll go into another attack.

"It's that bad, huh?"

He turned to see her eyebrows furrowed in worry, "You're more shaken up than usual."

Sasuke briefly flashed her a small smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "It's quite different this time…"

"I got a feeling that you won't still tell me."

"I would but…" He breaths out, suddenly feeling tired, "I don't want to talk about it."

It's been a nightly routine for him to wake up from a nightmare, and might as well a routine for her when she's the one comforting him and waiting for him to calm down but what he dreamt of this night really did a mark on him.

Sakura smiles briefly as she nods in understanding, "That's fine, just know that I'm here if you wanted to talk about it, okay? I'm always going to be here for you."

He felt the warmth from her words as he looks at her in the eyes, "Thank you for being patient with me. I know that this might be a burden for you."

And yet somehow, he thought to himself, _"I really am lucky to have you."_

"You're never a burden, Sasuke." The pink-haired lady gently offered him a smile, "What kind of girlfriend am I if I left you here all by yourself?"

"I'm just worried that this might affect your duty. We're on a battlefield, Sakura. If you can't attend to me, I'll understand that."

She sighs and shakes her head, "Enough about that. You won't be able to make me leave, Sasuke."

"I tried." Sasuke shrugs nonchalantly at her and smirks when he saw her getting furious.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She hit him playfully when she saw his smirk, knowing that he was only teasing her, "I don't get you sometimes..."

He observes her as she looks out the window, "I'll be going off in a while." He heard her say.

"Is there anything that you want me to do?" She returned her gaze at him, all with her comforting smile.

Sasuke didn't waste any time thinking as he slowly reached out for her hand, intertwining it with his, pulling her towards him to join him on his bed.

She giggled at these rare antics of him before removing her boots and climbing on his bed beside him.

Sasuke wraps his only free hand around her waist pulling her towards her in an embrace as his fingers absentmindedly caress her knuckles, "Just… stay for a while?"

Sakura hummed in response, "Fine, but only because you ask nicely."

He takes in their comforting positions and lays his head on top of hers.

They embraced the comforting silence and remain in each other's arms for a while. Sasuke definitely enjoyed the peace, ever since their last mission, he knows that he was never the same and yet despite those changes, he still doesn't have any idea what had happened. He never really got time for peace since then.

But that doesn't matter now, what matters the most is that he gets a little bit of peace like this for once and a while. And with a lovely company in his arms.

That is until the said company breaks the silence.

"I heard that Kakashi's coming." She asked as she was, trying to make a small conversation.

"Aa." He nodded slightly from his position, "I think he'll arrive the day after tomorrow."

She shifts and hopefully looks up at him, "Are you coming home with the others?"

"Why should I?" He stares down at her, confused by her question that sounded more like a request.

"You're having attacks every night, Sasuke. You need to seek medical atten–"

"I'm not crazy."

Having the mood broken by her concerns, he gingerly unwraps his arm around her and before he even let go of her hand, she holds it tight, tugging it slightly towards her.

"Look, Sasuke... I'm not saying that you are going crazy. But between your frequent nightmares and panic attacks. I think it's safe to say that you're having PTSD. You should have it check, you need help."

"I'm fine." He muttered lowly, turning his gaze away from her. "I don't want to have this conversation, Sakura."

But that didn't stop her from going on with the topic, "Do you even remember what happened?'

_'What happened to not talking about it?'_ He thought to himself. Although, he knows to himself that she isn't going to drop it anytime soon.

Sasuke remained silent as he thinks of it hard, he didn't want to answer it but he gets the feeling that she won't be dropping the topic anytime soon.

"No." He exhales in frustration, "But somehow, I kept dreaming about the location of our last mission, something might've happened there."

"And please tell me why no one bothers to tell you."

Sasuke's attention perks up on what had Sakura said. Realizing now that no one really bothered talking to him about it either, "Naruto's avoiding me. As well as the others. They've been... Distant after the last mission."

"If no one's going to help you here then I think you should return at Konoha. Your family would help you with it and you won't be going through all of this." Her features turned serious just as the tone of her voice lowered.

Without holding back, Sasuke glared at her, "I told you that I'm fine, Sakura! Don't make his a huge of a deal!"

"We both know that that's a lie, Sasuke." She huffs in disbelief and climbs out of his bed, leaving him on it and towering against his form pointing her finger at him, "I can't have you lying on that battlefield too!"

Instead of shouting back at her, he buried his face on his palms, "You're so goddamn annoying "

Feeling tired of their conversation, he sighs and turns to her, "I'm not going to die. Not now and not any time soon. I can manage myself, Sakura. You have to trust me on that."

"And if your panic attacks get in the way?" She crossed her arms in front of her jutted her hip on the side.

He paused before muttering his answer, "…It won't"

"You sounded unsure yourself." Sakura strongly pressed the matter trying to make her point.

His face scrunches up in confusion and suspicion, "Why the hell are you so adamant about making me leave?"

"Because that's the right thing to do!"

He scoffs at her and moves to stand as well, towering over her petite body.

He glared down at her not caring whether some hears them fighting, "I already told you that I'm fine. How many times do I have to fucking tell you that I—"

**_He couldn't take away his eyes at her bloodied head. Partly of it burst into pieces, her brain is peaking out of her broken skull, her one sole eye dulled, staring into nothingness._ **

His eyes widened and his breath turned ragged on the flash of memory that he received. He gulps and tried to compose himself, "I..."

"Sasuke?" Sakura immediately got worried and was about to touch him but he only shoves her hands away, "Just... I can't come home yet, Sakura."

"Even if I will... Would you come with me?"

Sasuke's question visibly threw her for a surprise, leaving her speechless as she made it clear that she didn't want to talk about it as well. He nodded at this confirmation, "I thought so. Then that's another reason for me not to go home."

She was about to retort when he holds up a hand at her, "I'm only going back if you'll go back with me." He takes a grasp of both of her arms, leveling his gaze at her, "Wasn't this what you always say? No man left behind and I like to stick with it, in or out of the battlefield."

Sakura shrugs Sasuke's hands this time, lowering her gaze and turning her back at him. "I just... I can't come home with you, Sasuke."

"Then give me a reason why." He glared at the back of her head, "Just like what you're asking me to do."

She takes a deep breath before turning back at him, "I have a du—"

"I don't give a damn about you and your duty." Sasuke takes a step forward and yet again a flash of his nightmare reappears.

**_"P-please! Don't shoot me!"_ **

But he immediately shakes the image in his head, focusing on what was happening before him.

"I know that that's not the real reason, Sakura. You've been avoiding this conversation for a long time."

"I..."

Sasuke looked expectantly at her, quietly waiting for her to go on.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. With another sigh, she shakes her head and dejectedly looks down her feet, "I've got to go… People are about to get up as well."

His eyebrow raises in suspicion, "Must you really go? We're on the same field here. There's no need for you to hide. They already know about us."

This was their daily routine, before the sunrises, she always leaves saying how she couldn't be seen by the others. This made Sasuke suspicious, she was supposed to be an ally, and yet here she was acting as if they were her enemies.

"It's not about us, Sasuke." She quietly said under her breath as she turns once again to fetch her small pack, wrapping it around her hips and locking it with a satisfying click.

He sternly watches her like an eagle eyeing his prey, "You left me with a lot of questions unanswered, Sakura. I don't think you're being fair."

She tensed at his words and she looks back at him, an apology was written on her face, "…You'll understand soon enough."

Sasuke stands there quietly, waiting for her to depart. Not bothering to say a word as she moves towards the door and opening it.

"Take care out there, Sasuke-kun." She turned around for the last time, offering him a tired and an apologetic smile, "Goodbye for now."

Sasuke was glued to his place for a long period of time, contemplating what had happened, making his anxiety worse than before.

He sits on the edge of his bed with his head buried on his palms, "I just wanted to experience peace even for a short period of time and yet somehow I kept fucking it all up." He thought out loud, sighing deeply as he felt the loneliness settling in.

They kept in that position until the sun begins to rise and just as he expects, soon enough his fellow soldiers went to get up as well.

He sits up straight before glancing at the door, his mind wandering back at Sakura again, shaking off his thoughts he stands up and grabs his towel and a change of clothes. _'Maybe I should just go home…'_

With that thought in his head, he strides to the barracks and went directly in the direction of the bathing area. Of course, he noticed the weird and awkward glances that they threw at him. Ever since their mission, there was never a single normal and peaceful moment for him.

_'It seems like everyone knows what the hell happened to me.'_

He glares back at those who making weird stares and him, _'Ironic. I don't even know what happened.'_

When he arrived at the bathing area, he bumped into his buddy, Sai, a member of their squad and who they always compare to him which the raven head likes to think otherwise.

"Sasuke." The black-haired man nods respectfully to Sasuke's direction which he returned with a single nod, "Sai."

And with that simple gesture, they went on with their daily life. Now, it only gave him more things to think of, _'It's that simple, isn't it?'_

_'And yet they can't seem to do it.',_ He turns around and sure enough, some of the men are staring and, dare he adds, gossiping about him. At the far end, he heard Naruto and heard his obnoxious voice as he 'makes round' around the camp, _'Even Naruto doesn't seem to have that decency.'_

Drowning in the immerse hollowness that he felt, he went into one of the stalls and let the shower running. The water is cold as ice but he remained under it, distracted by his thoughts. _His never-ending thoughts._

_'Seventh… One week of reoccurring nightmares.'_

**_Blood spattered in every crevice on the battleground. Enemies and allies are toppled on one another, their wounds of war are evident on their clothes soaked with their own blood_ **

_'Same location, same settings, and the same… person.'_

**_He walks and passes each lifeless body as he hears the distant gunshots_ **

_'But why is it me who took away her life this time…?'_

**_He saw how the bullet penetrated the left side of her face, how her head bursts in impact, how her blood splashed everywhere, how her blood splattered on his face. And how her body fell with a sickening sound._ **

_'Why is it always her?'_

**_Her lifeless body sprawled on the ground, swimming the pools of her very own blood. The metallic smell of blood lingers in the air_ **

He felt the wake of goosebumps on his skin, not because of the ice-cold water that's showering him but because of the flashbacks that he kept having.

_'It wasn't this bad before…'_ He stares down at his trembling hand, _'That was torture…'_

With that last thought, he started moving and clean himself before putting on his clean clothes. He did a quick washing of his dirty ones before hanging it to dry.

He went to the camp next, getting a ration of food before settling down on a peaceful spot, away from all the weird glances and whispers. He feels sick not knowing what they know and disgusted that they're babbling for the wrong reasons, even if he has yet to discover those.

He was eating the stew that Chouji – a soldier that also plays the role of a cook – made for breakfast when he noticed a hesitant blur of yellow at the side of his vision and much to his surprise, that yellow blur came down and sits beside him with a bottle of water in both of his hands.

"Sasuke?"

The raven-haired soldier pointedly ignored him, thinking that Naruto just is mistaken him for someone else since they never really talked that much since whatever their last mission is.

However, the knucklehead beams up more, "Hey there, teme!"

Sasuke kept silent though, minding his own business and eating the dish before him. But Naruto is persistent in gaining his attention and so he put the bottles of water down to wave his hands in front of Sasuke. Like the idiot that he is.

_'How the hell did he even got accepted in the army?'_ Sasuke quietly thought as he kept ignoring the bursting ball of energy before him.

"Yo, Sasuke?" When Sasuke didn't reply, Naruto stares intently at him and dramatically poked the raven-haired's left cheek, "Sasuke, Helloooo! Earth to Sasuke!"

Something within Sasuke just comically snapped as she swatted away the blonde's hands away from him, "Get your hands off of me, dobe."

The obnoxious yellow head laughs nervously at Sasuke's tone of voice as he settles down beside him, grabbing one of the bottles of water and offering him the other, "Hehe. I thought you're purposely singling me out!"

"Thanks for the idea." Sasuke grabs the bottle of water and nodded to express thanks.

"Hey!" Naruto fakes a 'hurt' look by putting on of his hand on his chest before laughing it off, a little bit forced if you asked Sasuke.

"Seriously tho, what's up with you lately?" His buddy tried to make a conversation in which he just dodges, "Nothing."

Naruto sighs at this, knowing that he won't get anything out of him at this rate. And so, he went to his plan B of approach. He takes a deep breath and put on a serious face, "You froze in our training Sasuke, four times in a row."

Sasuke knew that it was coming, he just never thought that Naruto, one of the many people that ignore him, will point it out. Although, it did make sense since they are in the same squad. He just didn't expect him to care enough to point it out. He expected Sai to speak up but Naruto? No. Not Naruto.

Nonetheless, he didn't want anyone meddling in his affairs, "It was nothing. You don't have to talk to me if you're worried about that. I can manage."

"But I need to."

"What do you mean you need to?" Sasuke turned to Naruto, seeing him face to face for the first time in two weeks. Of course, his appearance never changed, except for the fact that he's wearing a serious façade.

And with that, an image flashes before his eyes.

**_Naruto pulled the trigger without remorse in his eyes. He stood perfectly still while she fell into the ground, her blood oozing from her chest where he just shot her. His face void of expression._ **

Sasuke's heartbeat quickens, that was one of his nightmares, one where it was Naruto who shot Sakura dead. He tried to shook off the image in his head, afraid that he'll have an episode in the open area.

Unaware of Sasuke's dilemma, the blonde went on with his word, "Ever since the incident… You're never the same. I know you're an anti-social being or whatever but…"

He hesitantly eyed Sasuke and continues, "…now, you're even distant."

Sasuke shook his head and scoffs at this, he even rolled his eyes assets down his finished bowl, grabbing the water to drink before replying.

"You've made a point not to talk to me." He throws a glare at Naruto before scanning the barracks to look at the other member of their squad, "All of you…"

"Hey! I didn't me–"

He snapped his head back at him with an even intense glare than before, "Bullshit. You and I both know that you and everyone else meant it as it is."

With that, Naruto sighs in defeat, raising his hands in front of him as a defense, "Look… Sasuke…"

The said man looked at him with one of his eyebrows up, waiting for whatever reasons that his so-called 'best friend' would say.

"I really want to talk to you… I want to talk about it but…" He sighs dejectedly before glancing in the direction of the quarters, "Shikamaru told me that it might be bad for your health."

Sasuke draws his eyebrows together in puzzlement, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Naruto evaded his eyes as he speaks in a low tone, "What happened to Sakura…"

"What about her?" Sasuke immediately piped in, almost too quickly.

"I want to apologize Sasuke… "His eyes are filling up with tears as he goes on, "I didn't really mean to. I… I didn't want that to happen, I just… I don't know what to do at that point. I just froze, y' know?"

The raven head stares at him in utter confusion, he looks at Naruto as if he grew another head but the blonde's next words were what caught him off guard.

"…And I know it's partly my fault that she's…"

_The all familiar ringing sound returned in his ears._

The last word threw Sasuke in a huge shock, "What did you say?"

All in a while Naruto thought that this was just him and apologizing to Sasuke.

"I know it's partly my fault that she's _dead_."

The world seems to spin as Sasuke turned his head on the ground, trying to make a sense of everything or anything at all whilst Naruto kept going on and on.

_'I know it's partly my fault that she's dead.'_

' _…my fault that she's dead.'_

' _…she's dead.'_

He felt his heartbeat accelerates as his whole world seems to slow down, he placed a hand on his head, trying to grasp what's going on, _'No, that's not possible.'_

**_The moonlight shines over her body, the red liquid glistens into the night as her hair and clothes turned evil red._ **

_'She can't be dead…'_ Sasuke's thoughts were like a whirlwind, going in hundreds of kilometers, _'I just talked to her… she couldn't be… No…'_

"I know it's long due. I feel like a jerk not talking to you after what happened but everyone's just got scared for you... of you." Tears fall from Naruto's eyes as he tries hard to apologize, "I know it wouldn't change much but I ap–"

"No."

"I kn– Wait… what?"

"No." Sasuke glares threateningly at him, "She isn't dead."

Naruto was taken aback at Sasuke's words, he was speechless for a second before regaining his composure, "Don't… don't you remember, Sasuke?"

When Sasuke didn't reply, he thought that he should remind him of what had happened, "She goes–"

And all of sudden, Naruto lays flat against the rocky ground while Sasuke is on top of him kneeing his chest hard against the ground, his fists clutch his shirt holding him in place as his knuckles turned white with his deathly grasp as he utters in a deadly voice, "She's not dead but you will be if you don't shut your fucking mouth."

A crowd started to grow around them but no one dares to pry Sasuke from top of Naruto, afraid that they'll find themselves pinned to the ground just like the blonde. If no one likes to mess with the Uchiha before then no one's definitely going to interfere now.

As quick as it went, Sasuke shoved Naruto hard against the ground once more before standing up and glowering down at him, spiting nearly on his face, "Dead last."

Sasuke walks out of the scene shoving some of his fellowmen off of his way and went somewhere in the forest to clear his mind and to grasp the reality of everything around him. While Naruto was left on the ground, still shocked by what had occurred.

Sai, who had seen the commotion, approached the blonde and offer a hand to him which he accepts. He didn't bother dusting the dirt off of his clothes as he stares where Sasuke runs off to, "Shikamaru warned me about this…"

Sai nodded beside him. His creepy smile is replaced with a serious expression as he stares at Sasuke's general direction as well.

Naruto breaths out in relief, confusion, worry, and everything in-between as he sheepishly scratches the back of his head, "Maybe I just really shouldn't have talked to him this early."

Inside the vast forest, Sasuke trekked to his spot. A place that he treats as his thinking place whenever things get awry, and this time things did get really out of hand. Sure, he expected that Naruto would make a big deal out of his suspicious stuck ups in their training but it never occurred to him that the blonde would actually claim that Sakura is gone in this world.

He didn't know what to think of or how to make sense of the situation. Sakura couldn't be gone, she was visiting ever since their last mission, in fact, she was the only one who even cared to look after him even if it's just a moment the day. She was there when he couldn't fell asleep, she was there when he woke up from his nightmares after he forced himself to sleep. Every night she visited and every dawn, she leaves.

Sasuke momentarily reminisced his time with her, how she held him when having an episode, how they would talk for hours about his day, how he would show his affection through physical means.

_'You shouldn't be able to touch a ghost, should you?'_ He dumbly questions himself, almost scoffing from the stupid idea in his head, _'She couldn't be dead.'_

Finally, he reached his destination. He looks around the scene before him, the lake in the middle of the thick forest, the sight relaxes him even in the difficult moment. The fine weather and the gentle breeze of the wind are the only things that keeping him calm and sane. He knew that he will have an episode if he stayed longer in the camp. That and the budding gossip will definitely make him insane.

He collapses on the soft grass, splashing water on his face. He felt the hollowness and coldness within him resurfaces as he began to ponder,

_'It's impossible…'_ He stares at his reflection as the droplets of water fall from his hair, _'She's been visiting me for two weeks now. That's... That's just impossible.'_

He lays on the grass and appreciates the clear skies, the clouds protecting him from the heat rays of the sun, and yet they still failed on keeping him away from his silly thoughts, _'I'm not getting crazy, am I?'_

Sasuke cautiously recalled his nightmares, the nightmares that all ended the same.

**_She stood before him when all of a sudden, a bullet penetrated her left temple and soon enough series of bullets came and shot her in every angle, leaving several holes in her body dripping with her blood as fell into the ground._ **

He felt the horrifying scene flashed before his eyes as his chest tightens in the vision that he had. That was the first nightmare that he saw after the pill forced him to sleep.

The second one wasn't as good as it gets, every night as he took the pills and shut his eyes to sleep the nightmares get more terrifying than before.

**_There's a gaping wound from her chest, the blood seeps through her clothes as it pools around her, she sprawled on the ground motionless whilst her eyelids drift to shut_**.

_'How did I even manage to take it all in?'_ He momentarily thought of his conversation with Sakura, _'How can I even sleep when every dream ended into nightmares?'_

**_Her limbs were torn apart, only her head and the upper portion of her arms remained attached to her body. Her face was blackened and burnt making it impossible to recognize her._ **

_'And when every nightmare ended up with her dying in front of me?'_

**_The bones from her legs and arms jutted out of her skin while she lays on the ground at an awkward angle, her head lulled as her was spine pulled from her back while her eyes continue to cry tears of blood._ **

For every nightmare that he woke up to, Sakura was there to comfort him, it was the only thing that keeping him insane from the memory loss and the nightmares that he's having and just when he thought that he could live by it, the next two nights shaken his whole being.

**_A severed head rolls onto the pavement, her pink hair was cut short and is full of dirt and blood, one of her eyes were hanging out from its sockets as her lips were stitched shut together._ **

Sasuke felt the panic settling inside of him, making him sweat while his eyes were filled with tears.

**_The flesh from her body was torn apart and exposed her ribs after being mauled by a pride of lions, the vultures took their place and started to peck on the remaining flesh off of her body as she plays with her eyes wide open._ **

He felt the bile coming up to his throat as he lurched forward sitting up, sweating from all the visions that he had to relive. And is yet to relive…

**_Part of her bloodied head burst into pieces, her brain is peaking out of her broken skull, her one sole eye dulled, staring into nothingness._ **

Sasuke runs his hands on his face, reminding himself that all of it was just a nightmare. Trying to control himself before he went into a full panic attack, Sakura isn't there to comfort him this time, no one is there to help him get through it.

The last nightmare may not be the most brutal and vivid nightmare that he had but it didn't sit well with him knowing that this time, it was him who took away her life. Of course, the other ones didn't do well for his mental state, every single of it was torture as he cannot do anything at all to save her.

_'Was this some sort of a sign? 'Am I going to notice her die before my eyes…'_ He scoffs at that idea, he felt silly and disgusted that he's thinking that something bad might've happened to her, _'She's a tough one, she wouldn't die that easily.'_

And yet somehow everything doesn't feel right, _'If she did… I'll probably go insane.'_

Sasuke stands up and finds a stray rock, he picks it up and distracts himself by watching the rock skips on the water before sinking, "I guess... I have to talk to her, alive or not I won't get any answers at this rate."

He continues to throw rocks on the river, trying to pry his mind off of the looming conversation when the night falls.

"Speaking to the dead is better than being insane for a lifetime, isn't it?"

And with that last thought in his mind, he let his mind drift off and tuned out everything around him while the knowing hollowness creeps into his entire being.

When Sasuke returned at the barracks it was already dusk. The sun's about to set again and the world will yet again be enveloped in darkness. He quickly made his way to his quarters evading any of the men from their camp. The commotion between him and Naruto will surely affect his image and by now he knows that they probably think of him as insane.

He walked in and stare forward on his barred room, sighing before sitting on the edge of his bed. Sasuke noticed the taunting pill before his bed and take a hold of it in his hand.

As tempting as it sounds, he didn't take a pill like he used to do every night, taking one meant that he'll have to face the impending nightmare that's waiting to happen but also escaping reality. For now, he sets his exhaustion aside and awaited Sakura's visit. He wants to see by his own eyes that she will walk in through that door. _That he wasn't going crazy as everyone thinks of._

Every single day his noisy thoughts and flashbacks leave him so exhausted that he just wanted to fall asleep and not care at all, he didn't want to think about anything else, he just wanted to cease everything and be at peace, something that he hasn't felt since their last mission. A moment that is lost in his memory.

The thought of not sleeping scares him. The whole reason and story of him not wanting to stay awake is the tendency that he thinks too much and that he'll go on with another episode of panic attacks, their training is an example of such as every time that he hears series of gunshots he just froze in place. He's lucky enough that they haven't been deployed on the battlefield lately, he couldn't even begin to imagine what will happen to him then.

_'It's happening again.'_ The ramblings in his head start to get louder and louder again, it made him hyper-aware of his surroundings as if he was waiting for something bad to happen. He just hopes that Sakura arrives soon enough before he loses himself from overthinking.

As if in a cue, the door opens gently and revealed the lady of the hour, **_Sakura._**

Her appearance is the same as before, the only thing that changed is that she lets her hair down _. 'A rare sight'_ a certain Uchiha would say.

Without hesitation, he interrogated her right away, wanting to get things over and done with.

"Naruto told me you're dead."

Sakura stopped dead in her track getting off-guard by his statement, "What?"

"He told me you died, Sakura…" He eyed her this time, wanting to see how she would react to it, "He said that was partly the reason why you're dead."

And just when he thought that Sakura will burst into the air and find out that he'd gone insane, she sighs in defeat and collapses on the lone stool across him.

"Good. Let them think way."

Sasuke stared at her as if she's the one that went crazy. Although, deep inside he was relieved to know that Sakura really isn't dead, "Let them think that way?"

"They thought you died, Sakura! How can you say that?" He stood up looming over Sakura's sitting form.

Sakura sees this offensive as she stands to level with him as well, "Because you weren't there! You weren't there to see how shits went down!"

He was left speechless after that and made him ponder about her words, "Where was I when that happened."

She scoffs and throws her hands up in frustration, "You tell me."

"Where were you, Sasuke?" Sakura fumingly steps forward, making him take a step backward while the guilt settles into him, "Where were you when I needed you the most?"

Sasuke averted his eyes off of her, trying to remember where he was when Naruto allegedly did something that makes them think that Sakura is dead, and yet nothing comes up in his mind. There was nothing in his mind that correlates her and anything with Naruto. Just like that the last mission that they went to, it's as if it was stripped away from his memories.

He tried to come up with something but as soon as he opened his mouth, he couldn't bear to tell her a lie knowing that whatever happened made her life in danger.

"I thought so." She nodded her head in dismay and walks past him, taking a sit on his bed, "Naruto's right about one thing, he definitely is part of the reason why."

Sasuke stands there for a while, trying to get a grasp of the new information that he has. But it only confuses him further as it only brings a lot of questions than answers.

Coming up with a question, he turned to face her. Her face void of emotions as she stared back at him expectantly as if she's waiting for him to drop all the things that he has for her, "So, all this time, you were hiding? Evading them? That's why you leave before sunrise… before anyone else can see you?"

She simply nodded in that question, there was nothing to explain in it anyways.

"But I thought this is just your standard protocol."

"You're not wrong, this is our protocol…" Sakura gaze roams around the roam before returning at him, "…for an enemy. But I didn't expect to do this in an ally's territory. If I was even treated as such."

Sasuke felt that his head is about to explode, he already has a lot on his plate, between his memory loss and his panic attacks, he didn't have time to comprehend what was happening around him, "I still don't understand, what did they do? What did you do?"

"They want me dead, Sasuke. And if they thought that I am… then I like to keep it that way. Let them think that I'm dead." She sounded depressed when said those words, her voice turned soft almost ghastly like the one in his nightmares, "It's better this way."

"You didn't answer my question." He suspiciously glared at her, thinking that she may have done something that made them question her integrity which made him hear a familiar ghastly voice from his nightmare ** _._**

**_"Sasuke… Please believe me! I would never betray Konoha!"_ **

He peered at her and noticed that she's eyeing him with the same expression as what he had seen in his nightmares and sure enough, her next words brought shivers in his bones, "That doesn't matter now, I'm dead, ain't I?"

_"I'm dead, ain't I?"_

Sasuke stared shock at her.

_"I'm dead, ain't I?"_

Her ghastly voice echoes around him.

_"I'm dead, ain't I?"_

And all of sudden, an unseen force pulled him backward, the world around him whizzed past as he slammed hard to a wall behind him.

He frantically scanned the room and noticed that he was in a different place.

_'The tower'_ Sasuke's eyes widened in recognition, _'The tower from our last mission?'_

It was rainy weather, he hears the patter of the raindrops on the roof of the tower. The room was dim as the only source of light comes from the only window. Then, he began to hear the gunfire around him, _he was in the middle of the battlefield._

"What the fuck are you doing, Uchiha?" A loud voice made him come back to life. Neji stands before him, barking curses as he scrambles away from his sniper rifle, "Don't just stand there! We need a sniper."

Sasuke's body moved against his will, it's as if his body was on autopilot and he got to sit and watch the movie. His body approached the window sill, his sniper rifle was there, all set up while the spotter beside him laid dead on the ground.

A weird sensation filled his consciousness as he began to fuse with himself, making him take the front seat and drive his body to work.

"Can you do it by yourself?" He heard Neji asked in a panicked voice.

"I can handle this! Just go! They need you there!" He got startled by his own voice but he hid it well. He didn't know what was happening but he didn't have much time to comprehend it either.

They're in the middle of the battle and he needs to set aside anything else. They need to survive and win the war.

He peaked into his lenses and saw the enemies on the other side of the clearing, a lot of bodies already lay on the ground between the two sides. However, it didn't look good on their sides, even if the enemies lost a lot of men, he can see that they're still a lot of them on the other side, retreating and repositioning.

The gunfire stopped for now but he knows that soon enough they have to go into the battle again and this time the chances of winning and surviving the fight are looking dire.

But he kept his mind his calm and collected, going through everything systematically, careful not to make a mistake.

Sasuke preps his sniper when his radio goes off, "Raven! I need visuals!"

The familiar obnoxious voice sounded tamed and serious but his body didn't care much as he quickly made a response, "They've got us surrounded, Fox. It seems like they're readying to fire in any second now, I think they're strategy is to force you out of there. Hate to say this but they've got numbers."

"I'll try to take as much as I can but I can't promise anything." He continues to adjust his settings and grabs the binoculars from the dead body beside him. Trying to get a good visual and planning when to shoot and who to shoot first.

The line went silent before the same voice now with a hesitant tone speaks, "Roger that."

"We need to take the upper hand or else…" Sasuke held the radio in his trembling hands, knowing that things are about to go down, "…we'll join the others in the middle."

He was about to put down the radio when another voice pipes in, "I have a plan."

Sasuke was stunned into place when he heard the familiar voice, _'Sakura?!'_

He curses and hisses a response to the radio, "What the fuck are you doing here?!"

"That doesn't matter now, I'm a minute away from Fox and the others," Her voice seems quite hesitant before going on with her plans, "I have the experimental bomb from the HQ, I just need to plant it in the building that they're camping at. All of their guns, ammo, and bombs are there, I heard that their reinforcements are also there. It seems like they brought a whole company."

"Don't!" Sasuke felt the panic, anger, and worry, "That's suicide!"

"I can do it." Her voice came out confident this time, "Just cover fire for me, I just need to get around them."

They both heard Naruto curses on the other end of the comms. Before he decided to speak up, his voice full of doubt, "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Take them in the front, Raven will cover from above and I'll do my best to crawl up to them."

The line from Naruto's end became unclear, it's as if people were arguing in the background.

"I need your confirmation, Fox. I've got to be stealthy here so I'm afraid I need to drop the comms before going in. The bomb will only give me a few seconds before it goes off."

Sasuke stills momentarily, this didn't sit well for him, but they needed it now more than ever. And Sakura might just be the person to solve their problems.

"R-roger." Naruto's voice faltered before going on to confirm his commands, "We'll send a flare out when we're ready to attack. Try to creep into them and we'll cover fire for you."

"Copy that." Sakura's line went silent after it. Just as she planned, she might've dropped the comms and went into position. It's going to be crucial for her but this is the only shot that they have.

Sasuke watches from the binoculars and saw that the enemies positioning themselves, he quickly analyzes the situation and decided how to strike. Dropping the binoculars, he turned to his AW .50 and positioned himself, aiming at the first one that he needed to bring down.

Now, he only has to sit and wait for Naruto's orders.

"Get ready squad." Naruto's voice came out of the radio once more, "We'll set the flare out in a minute."

Just as planned, the red flares set out. The enemy's got startled by it and soon enough, the Konoha's squad began to open fire, forcing the enemies to face them as well.

From Sasuke's position, he sniped and eliminated their snipers one by one, taking out their back-up defenses and sniping the enemies from the clearing below.

He tried to scope where Sakura was, spotting her just to the side when the radio went off.

"Listen up, squad." It was Kiba's voice this time and it seems like he was agitated by something. Although, what he didn't expect his words, "Direct all your fire in the front lines!"

Sasuke was briefly stunned by Kiba's demands but he immediately grabbed his comms, "What the fuck are you talking about?!"

When no one replied at him, he radioed them again, "You released the signal! Cover her!"

Quickly, Kiba responded at him, clearly vicious and livid, "I saw her talking to one of the enemies! She's just delivering the experimental bomb from the HQ to the enemies! She's a fucking traitor!"

Sasuke panicked as he saw the fires being shifted away from Sakura's side and to the front line instead, ruining their initial plan and exposing Sakura to the enemies, "What the fuck are you doing?! Cover fire!"

He lets go of the radio for a while and turns to his gun, trying to snipe off the enemies from Sakura's side. He needed to cover for her, or else she's going to get outnumbered which was exactly what they're afraid of, and yet Kiba continued to bark at their comms, "Keep your fire shots in the middle! They won't shot her dead just you see!"

Sasuke was very furious this time, he continued to snipe at the few enemies that came closer to Sakura until his gun went out of ammo. He dreaded leaving his sight out of her but he needed to reload.

He quickly reloaded his sniper rifle and picked up his radio, "COVER FIRE!"

He turned to his gun again, sniping the enemies from Sakura's back, and from what he sees, she doesn't have any choice but to continue what she initially planned. Before, she realized that no one's covering for her, the enemies already surrounded her.

There was no way out. And Sasuke cannot hold it longer. His sniper wouldn't be enough to help her fend off the enemies. He needs someone down there to help her get through them.

Sasuke desperately grabs the radio again, "Naruto! Why the fuck are you not barking orders? Sakura needs reinforcement ASAP."

But still, no one's there to respond to it, he dreadfully clutches the radio in his hands as he hisses to it, "NARUTO! GODDAMN IT! NARUTO, I SWEAR IF SHE DIES, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU."

He drops the radio and continues to fire on the enemies. He felt his heartache quickens knowing that this has a huge possibility to go awry.

Sakura is fending well, she tossed grenades, fired her gun while dodging the bullets that whiz past her, but she was no superwoman, she was just a regular person, a spy in the middle of the battlefield and fighting in the frontlines was never her forte.

Sasuke watches in horror as she got shot in the shoulder, he saw her face contorted in pain, "No! No…"

His adrenaline rushes into his system as he sniped them one by one but it's as if the enemies were hiding a battalion of soldiers, they never stopped coming at her. And once again, he runs out of ammo, "Goddamn it!"

He immediately pries himself away from his gun to quickly reload. His hands were trembling, his breath quickens and he felt that his heartbeat also picks up the pace. He needs to help her. _She needs him._

When he finished reloading, he quickly positioned himself again only to see that Sakura's limping on her left leg. He tried to shove away his bad thought and went to cover for her, "Shit, there's too much of them, I can't"

He was focused on sniping the enemies but then one got away from his fingertips and shot Sakura on her side, "No… NO!"

Sasuke quickly ended the man's life as well as the others to came to finish her dear life. He was too focused on protecting Sakura that he didn't hear Naruto radioing in and barking commands.

"Raven! Get the out of there!"

The frantic voice of the blonde, went unheard by Sasuke as he tries so hard on backing her up, only to fail again and again. The enemies are closing into her but she can't fight faster than before, "Fuck, SAKURA!"

"RAVEN! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!" Naruto's voice panicked voice intensified tenfold but it all fell into deaf ears.

Sasuke reloaded quickly again before going into the battlefield from afar. His mind briefly wandered on the situation, the looming reality settling in. And before he knew it, it was already there, right before his eyes. _Death._

From his scope, he saw one of the enemies threw a grenade on Sakura and before she can even react and get out of its way, it was already too late, "SAKURA!"

The sound of the gunshots dulled into his ears.

The time slowed as his breath stilled, all he can hear is his heartbeat, and the way how his heartbreaks. The grenade exploded from Sakura's feet and the chain reacted to the bomb that she was carrying. The two bombs created a much larger explosion, causing both sides to a ceasefire.

"NOOOO!"

Sasuke screamed in agony. He failed on protecting the person that he needed the most, he failed her when she needed him the most.

He waited for the smoke to clear and he regretted going so. As he watched her body and her severed limbs fell into the ground. He couldn't take his eyes away from her mangled body, her hair and skin were burnt making it hard to even make sense of her features. Her legs were torn away from her body because of the bomb that went off ln her hips. Her ribs, stomach, and intestines were exposed from the explosion of the two bombs.

Salty tears run down from his eyes but still, he couldn't pry away his eyes off of her. He felt immense pain, from his chest, he felt grief, sadness, loneliness, anger until he felt nothing at all.

The life that he lived with Sakura flashed before him. He remembered the day that they met each in high school, he remembered the day he asked her out and the dates that they've gone to, he remembered them trying out for the academy, how she wanted to be a sniper specialist only to drop it for him, he remembered how they shared their first kiss, their first time of making love, and all of this crumbled at this very moment.

_His first love died taking away his heart with her._

His body numbs as his feet gave out, he sits defeated on the cold hard ground, eyes bloodshot from tears, his chests tighten making it hard for him to breath.

_'Sakura…'_

He couldn't bring himself to say his goodbye, he couldn't bear knowing that tomorrow when the sun rises and another day starts, she won't be there to complete his day. He couldn't bear the idea that she's gone to the world. He couldn't bear knowing that _she's dead._

The gunshots from the battlefield resume. Of course, their world is cruel. There's no time to grieve while they're in the middle of the war.

Nonetheless, Sasuke sits motionless on the ground, the hollow feeling creeps into him more, numbing the pain and agony in his heart. He didn't care about the world, he didn't care whether they won the war, _he already lost it._

"SASUKE! CAN YOU HEAR ME? GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!" Naruto screamed bloody murder in the radio comms, his voice desperately commanding Sasuke but it all fell into deaf ears as he laid on the ground, lifeless and void of emotion and concern, "THEY'VE ALREADY SPOTTED YOU! THEY'VE GOT AN RPG AND THEY'RE PO–"

An explosion rattled the tower.

Sasuke's ears ringed from the loud blast.

He didn't have time to move or even flinched when the wall crumbled on him.

But he didn't think of moving either.

He already lost his will to live.

Might as well lost his life in this battle.

Sasuke saw _his_ life flashed before his eyes and he waited for his death to come. It comforts him enough to know that he will be with Sakura this time.

He waited and waited.

As his eyes drift to close.

And bolted awake from his bed.

He's breathing hysterically while his heart pumped crazily as if it was about to explode.

**_Explode._ **

He frenetically checks his surrounding but a hand already holds him into place.

It was that familiar face again.

"Sakura…" He breathes her name in the middle of his ragged breath. His mind couldn't comprehend what had transpired.

His face might be showing his confusion as she smiles slightly at him, "You're having an attack again."

Sasuke's body continues to heaves as his mind is going rampant with thoughts. Still breathless and hyperconscious, he searches Sakura's eyes and asked her, "When did I fall asleep?"

She was taken aback at first, a flash of worry shown on her face, "You said you're getting drowsy while we're having a conversation."

"You lay down and drifts to sleep" She gestures on his bed while she explains what happened, "Didn't you remember?"

Sasuke remained silent as he tries to remember when did his dreams started, but didn't quite felt like a dream, it doesn't feel like a nightmare either. For him, everything felt real. Like he was actually reliving a memory from the past.

He eyed Sakura before him, who threw him worried glances but didn't more or speak a word.

'I'm not dreaming, am I?' He peered down on his hands and tried to flex it, _'That doesn't feel like a dream.'_

Which only made him question himself as he did not remember himself falling asleep or even feeling drowsy. All he knows is that he was talking to Sakura and all of a sudden he was thrown back into another dream of some sort. He didn't even know if can call it a dream. _He didn't know anymore._

He winces as his head begins to hurt from all of his thoughts, making him shut his eyes tightly and clutch his head on his hands.

Sakura quickly aided him, her hands felt light and cold against his arms.

"Do you want me to go an–"

"No…" He immediately responded without thinking.

Dreams or not, he didn't want her to leave even if she's just offering her help.

Sakura eyed him warily but he gave her a tired smile in return, "I'm going to fine."

The memory of his dream flashed before his eyes,

**_Her mangled body fell to the ground, her hair and skin were burnt making it hard to even make sense of her features. Her legs were torn away from her body because of the bomb that went off ln her hips. Her ribs, stomach, and intestines were exposed from the explosion of the two bombs._ **

He breathes shakily, moving to intertwined their hands together, staring into her eyes, "Don't leave."

Her gaze turned soft and climb unto his bed as he brought her into his arms.

Everything felt like a Deja Vu. But he didn't care at all. Whether it is a dream or not, whether this is real or not, whether she was truly alive or dead, and whether he was seeing a ghost of her or is hallucinating a version of her everything of those didn't matter to him. As he just wanted to make the most out of this moment. A moment that he had lost in his recent dream.

Sakura glances up at him, "Why are you like this all of a sudden?"

Sasuke held her between his arms tightly, feeling more at peace and solemn with her in his arms, "I just want to hold you."

Her skin felt soft as he runs his hands up and down her arm while the other wraps securely around her.

"Did something happens in your dreams?" She asks, voice filled with worry.

He truly wanted to tell her how each dreams of his turns into a nightmare, how he had watched her died in different ways again and again, how he felt tortured when he couldn't do anything to save her. He wanted to tell all about it but he was afraid that somehow, it will come true. And so, he shut those ideas away and savor the moment before him.

"It doesn't matter now." He moves his hand from her arm to cup her cheeks, losing himself in her eyes, "Just let me hold you."

Sakura smiles at this, kissing his palm a few times before laying her head against his chest. Both still in a sitting position.

"You've calmed down."

He heard her say quietly which made an impression on him, "How'd you know?"

She giggled before replying and it was music to his ears, "I can hear your heartbeat."

"Hn." Slowly, his mind drifts to the flashback that he saw in his dreams, the life that he had lived with her, "Things were better back then."

"It was a lot peaceful…" Sasuke felt his eyes started to sting, "I wish I could turn back time."

The lady in his arms decided to speak this time, "Why would you want to?"

He breathes out before answering her, barring himself to her once more, "I regret it."

"Regret what?"

He shifted so they could face each other but with his arms still around her,

"Putting my life into danger…"

He failed on protecting the person that he needed the most, he failed her when she needed him the most.

"…and putting you in danger."

When Sakura's about to say something he cuts in, "If it wasn't for me, you would still pursue your degree in medicine."

She was shocked at what he said but Sasuke knows that it was the truth. Sakura always wanted to be a cardiologist but all of that was a part of her broken dreams when he appeared one night on her doorsteps, asking her to be with him.

"Don't say that." She replied in concern but somehow, Sasuke knows that it was his fault.

"You followed me here because I asked of you and yet..." He reminisces their time in the academy, how Sakura excelled in every sniper exercises that they do but it all went crumbling when he decided to join in too, "If it wasn't for me, you would've gotten into the sniper team."

He felt tears welling in his eyes as he continued, "Now, you're out there with the wolves."

"I'm a spy, Sasuke, that's what I do…" She softly responded, she even had the audacity to pull a joke at that moment, "Mingle with the wolves."

Sasuke pointedly ignored it as the tears began to fall from his eyes, "I wish I could change everything but it seems like…"

He sighs shakily, taking both of her hands in his and putting it close to his chest near to his heart, "…it's too late for that."

"I regret nothing, Sasuke-kun." Sakura softly whispered between them, reminiscent of the chilling voice that she has in his nightmares.

"I'm here because I choose to." She looks at him reassuringly, "Because I wanted to."

She genuinely smiled at him as she takes one of her hands from him to wipe away the tears from his face with her thumb, "I'm here because I wanted you to be happy and along the lines... I learned to find something that makes me happy as well."

"You don't need to worry, Sasuke-kun. You know that despite everything that happened... I do not blame you." At that moment, it was her time to gently placed her hand on his cheek.

His tears fall freely from his eyes as he yearned for the warmth of her hand, staring at her affectionately, "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Everything. You did everything, Sasuke-kun."

When Sakura uttered those words with a smile, he felt something inside him breaks as he pulled her in a hug. He lays his head on her shoulder and for once, felt peace.

Sasuke felt Sakura comforting hands on his back and at that moment, he thought that he didn't want this moment to end, "Do me a favor."

"Hmm?" She hummed before responding, "What is it?"

"Don't leave me."

Frankly, he didn't quite care if he sounded desperate or clingy. He didn't care if someone's to hear him, he just didn't want the moment end.

"I'm still here."

"For the night." He made himself clear. He was reluctant to ask her at first but he got the feeling that things won't always stay like this and after the dream that he has, he wouldn't want to waste his time with her.

"I need you here beside me."

Sakura slightly pulled away from him, just enough room so that they can look into each other's eyes.

"You should know by now that I won't be staying long."

"I know." He nodded his head in understanding, "But just for the night, let's play pretend."

Sakura stared at him for a while, he can feel her thinking logically about it whilst weigh the consequences of it but she stopped and dropped all of it with a smile, "Alright, Sasuke-kun."

"I'll stay."

He smiled at her briefly, before gently pulling her with him so he lay on his bed. They stayed quiet for a long while.

Sasuke truly enjoyed holding her close, he absentmindedly plays with her hair in the air. He didn't mind her feather-like weight against his body, none of it actually matters to him, as long as he got to be with her right at this moment.

"Sakura..." Her name rolls gently on his tongue as she hummed in response.

"You wouldn't leave me, would you?" His words came out soft and solemn, almost afraid of what her answers would be.

Sakura looked up to face him just as he peered down at her. And she replied almost breathlessly, "Never."

He stared at her affectionately memorizing every detail of her face. The child-like shape of her face, her fair skin, the pastel pink hair that's surprisingly soft and fragrant despite their predicament, her soft pinkish lips that he so wanted to kiss, her long eyelashes that are a shade darker than her hair, and of course, how could he ever forget, her eyes. The emerald orbs that had seen all of him down to his very soul.

He couldn't keep his eyes away from her. She looked awfully misplaced for a place like this, she was bright and bubbly despite her circumstances, she was beaming and glowing like a dream that he never wanted to cease. She's like a fierce princess living in his fantasies.

Everything felt so wrong and yet so right.

His heart aches when he briefly saw his nightmares not long ago.

**_He watched her body and her severed limbs fell into the ground._ **

He couldn't bear to witness that; he wouldn't survive the heartbreak. He wouldn't survive the pain and loneliness.

Sakura wasn't just his lover, she was his best friend first, the one who saw him through ups and downs, the one who's been with him through thick and thin, the one who's both his weakness and strength. His sanity amidst the war and chaos.

Sasuke's mind drifted back to the happy memories that they had together, away from the brutality of his so-called-nightmares.

Forgetting everyone around them and everything around them.

Tonight, it's nothing but peace and the quiet.

Tonight, it's just her and him.

Together.

_"I love you, Sakura."_

And slowly, his eyes drift shut.

This time he felt when he slips into unconsciousness, he even felt as the weight on his chest lifts off.

He anticipated that he'll go through another nightmare, maybe more torturous and grimmer than before, maybe more gruesome and bloodier.

**But it never came.**

For the first time in weeks, Sasuke finally had a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

_Fully unaware of what's about to happen._

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**PAROXETINE**

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"Sasuke."

A familiar voice called upon him, he was quite confused about whether it was the start of another dream or not. This happens quite frequently, the vividness of his nightmares makes him confused about what's real from what is not.

"Sasuke?"

Shaking himself out of the stupor, he slowly brings to full consciousness. Squinting his eyes, he sits up and sees the familiar silver head man beside his bed. Yet he still wasn't sure if it was another dream or whether the man before him is real.

"Kakashi?"

Sasuke stares at him questioningly, pinching himself under the covers, "Weren't you supposed to arrive tomorrow?"

"I had to leave immediately," Kakashi eyes Sasuke carefully as if he was reviewing him, "Konoha received an intel that Oto is preparing for a surprise attack and that was two days ago."

Knowing where the conversation is probably going, Sasuke simply shakes his head and moves to put on his uniform. _Emergency._

And as if in a cue, Kakashi told him what he was expecting to hear, "They'll strike now."

It's fairly on time if someone would ask Sasuke, it's been quite a while since they've heard anything from their spies at Oto or even from the intel back in the headquarters at Konoha. So for him, the attack wouldn't be a surprise at all.

"They left their posts from Oto," Kakashi relays the information, never leaving his sight on Sasuke, "We have 12 hours… more or less."

Sasuke scoffs at this information and decided to speak his mind, "The latter."

"Pardon?"

The raven-haired faced his superior and explained himself further, "They'll probably arrive in 8 hours. Even less than that if the weather remains the same."

Kakashi squinted his eyes at Sasuke, thinking whether he had lost it or if he is withholding information from them, "How do you say so?"

"I had to take the high grounds in the sniper unit and I managed to memorize the routes that they take the base from the location that they're coming from. Besides…" His mind briefly flashed back to Sakura and made a pointed look at Kakashi, "I have a personal intel to confirm that."

Kakashi is visibly taken aback by his last sentence and was about to comment about it but at the last second he decided against it, this didn't go unnoticed by Sasuke but he kept his mouth shut. They have a more important matter in hand that they need to address immediately, anyway.

"Are you sure about that information, Sasuke?"

"Affirmative." Sasuke turned his back at Kakashi to fetch his D.O.P.E in his bag, "You know that we can't let them take a step in our base. Who knows what they have in store for us? We need to take them head-on."

Of course, Kakashi already saw this coming. Based on the intel, the Oto soldiers probably have experimental weapons with them in this attack and what's worse is that one of those rumored weapons is a biological weapon that might be a huge risk if they've let them take a step in their base.

All of that information only strengthens what Sasuke's suggesting. They have to give them their own medicine and counterattacking via ambush is the only way that they can do to prevent that from happening.

Decidedly so, Kakashi nodded his head, "This will be crucial. If we don't get to ambush them in the right route and win the battle then we'll be giving them away to march forward to Konoha."

"I'm positive." Sasuke ignores Kakashi's inner dilemma as he ties his military boots, "They will take the shortest way possible. They won't wait for nightfall."

"They're equipped, you probably know that and they're confident in battle even if it's at the darkest of the night but without knowing the terrain or whatever's in this camp, darkness would be a disadvantage against them. They'll need to attack before the night falls, only then they can spot a position that will be an advantage to them and will be a disadvantage to us. The worst thing is a bomb that they can plant all around our base."

Kakashi sighs at this, Sasuke's right and almost too right for his own sake which made him remember _someone_ from another division, "Maybe you should've been a spy. You know too much."

Sasuke flashed him a smirk, standing before Kakashi in full uniform, "Maybe I should."

"Go ahead, I need to rally the others and talk to Yamato," Kakashi moved towards the door and seek himself out, "If what you say is right, then we need a plan to counterattack them."

After Kakashi left his quarters, Sasuke proceeded to the meeting quarters where Naruto, Kiba, Sai, and Shino are already there.

As soon as they took a notice of him approaching, a voice boomed at him, "Look who decided to join us."

Sasuke preferred not to say anything about it and observed the others instead. Naruto obviously avoided Sasuke's gaze because of what had happened yesterday while the other two remain unfazed and silent. It was quite awkward if it wasn't for Kiba who kept blabbering nonsensical sentences.

"I've heard about the commotion that you caused yesterday! Too bad I wasn't there to witnessed it."

Naruto eyed Kiba in disbelief, elbowing him hard on the side, "Kiba… Stop it."

Kiba isn't the brightest person in the camp but Naruto couldn't believe how gutsy Kiba can be, this is Sasuke that they're talking about and after all the commotions over the past few weeks. The blonde expected the brunette to be more apologetic and guilty over his actions.

Feeling the tension and uneasiness rise, Sai throws an awkward smile and comments at the small commotion, "You should really stop Kiba. You might regret that sooner or later."

Shino, on the other hand, grunted in agreement. He personally wouldn't want to cross Sasuke as well, unless he has a death wish.

But Kiba didn't listen to them and continued pushing Sasuke's patience over the edge, "Have you gotten over for the fact that your girlfriend's dead?"

He cooly put his arm around Sasuke like they were buddy-buddy which only irritated him pushing his patience to the test.

"Don't touch me." Sasuke tried to remove Kiba's arm around him but instead of taking his warning, Kiba tightened his hold around Sasuke's neck and continues with his nonsense teasing, whispering dramatically in Sasuke's ear, "Why can't you just accept it? Sakura is dead!"

Out of a sudden, a memory flashes before his eyes.

**_He's back at the abandoned tower from what he perceives to be his nightmare. The radio comms beside him booming in a familiar voice,_ ** **_clearly vicious and livid, "I saw her talking to one of the enemies! She's just delivering the experimental bomb from the HQ to the enemies! She's a fucking traitor!"_ **

The vision drove Sasuke onto the edge, shoving Kiba hard enough to make him fall onto his back, " Back away, Inuzuka."

This agitated Kiba who jump back onto his feet and grab a hold of the collar of Sasuke's uniform, "What, are you having hallucinations now, huh? Is she visiting you from the grave? How does a ghost taste like?"

Before Sasuke can even speak or move a muscle, Naruto decided that enough is enough and stepped in between them. "Stop it, Kiba!

"We already talked about this. Don't make me report you to Kakashi."

Sai and Shino move to cleat the commotion as well. Shino is trying to get Kiba off of Sasuke while Sai stands beside him standing by just in case Sasuke decided to respond with his fists.

However, Kiba didn't back out and kept his hands and eyes on Sasuke, taunting him for a fight, "Come on, show me what you got, Uchiha!"

Naruto fumed at this and took it to himself to shove Kiba off Sasuke for the second time, "Stop it or I swear I'll be the one to shut your fucking mouth up."

Kiba looked at him in disbelief, "Wait. Why are you protecting him? I thought he threatened you yesterday?"

"We already talk about this Kiba." Naruto said in a lower voice, "I can't even believe how you can stomach the words coming out of your mouth!"

Kiba glared at them and cursed under his breath, "Tch! Whatever everyone here already knows that he's crazy anyway."

"Ya heard that?" Spitting near Sasuke's boots, Kiba pointed an accusing finger at him, "You've gone fucking insane, Sasuke! Just face it… your girlfriend is fucking dead!"

**_The enemies threw a grenade on Sakura and before she can even react and get out of its way, it was already too late_ **

In an instance, Sasuke moved and punched Kiba, who tried to retaliate but the Uchiha made sure that he stayed down as he beat him up. He asked for it and he's only here to deliver it. He had enough of the mutt's mouth, he had to teach him a lesson.

Naruto, Sai, and Shino tried to break them off but even for the three of them, they couldn't break the two apart or rather Sasuke off of Kiba, in this situation.

Luckily, Kakashi arrived along with Yamato, Neji, and Shikamaru who immediately came in to help.

"That's enough!" Kakashi got a hold of Sasuke and barked at them, "What the hell are you doing?"

Yamato jumped in, looking at Kiba's nasty bloodied face and back to Sasuke, "This is the second time that you assaulted an officer, Uchiha. You better explain yourself."

Still full of adrenaline, rage, and lividness, Sasuke growls out in response, "I have nothing to explain to any of you. I've had enough of this bullshit."

Knowing fully well what Sasuke meant, Kakashi pointedly look at Yamato and then down to Kiba, "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Send that fucker back to Konoha, he's clearly unstable! He punched Naruto yesterday and now he beat me up! Isn't that enough? He should be terminated from service! He's fucking cra–"

"Are you fucking with us right now, Kiba?" Naruto cut Kiba out and looked at him in utter disbelief, "You provoke Sasuke and you know that."

"So, you provoked him to, huh?" Kiba smugly asked Naruto, "As far as rumors go, all you did was apologize and what did you get? A punch on the face, Naruto! Just stop protecting Sasuke! He's crazy and you know it!"

Sensing that things are about to go down again, Neji put a hand on Naruto's shoulder, "Don't."

"With all due respect," The Hyuuga turned to their superiors before continuing, "I suggest that we take Kiba out of this mission."

"WHAT?!" The Inuzuka was clearly enraged by Neji's suggestion, "IT WASN'T ME WHO'S CRAZY! IT WAS THIS UC–"

"That's enough." Kakashi immediately cut Kiba off, "Didn't you learn anything, Kiba?"

Kiba knows better than to argue back to his superior much more to Kakashi and so he kept quiet, "If you're worried about Sasuke's stability, you could've reported it to Yamato or any of your superiors. He would have been tested for it and if what you say is true, he would've been sent back to Konoha whether he likes it or not. But you cannot, under any circumstances, take things on your hands. This isn't high school, Kiba. Don't act like one."

Kakashi paused looking beside him where Sasuke stands dejectedly. He truly wanted to talk to Sasuke about his well-being, however, their duty calls and they have to set these things aside. Without any reports, from Sasuke, himself, or any of the soldiers. The Uchiha will stay in the camp whether Kiba agrees to it or not.

"Based on these circumstances, I cannot even affirm whether your assumptions are true. According to the witnesses, you provoked Sasuke again and again. You might be the one who got injured but you brought that to yourself."

"I won't leave you out of this mission, Kiba. But only because we needed all the man that we can have in that mission." Kakashi slowly approached Kiba, his face and voice turned grim, "You've already jeopardized the mission once because of your guts. I hate to say this but if you do it again, I might just send your lifeless body back to Konoha."

Sasuke noticed how it got tenser than before, the conversation took another turn and he knows that this is about Sakura again. And this time, he doesn't even know how would he react.

Getting annoyed by the tension, uneasiness and the high levels of testosterone is in the room, Shikamaru cleared his throat and decided to get into the main point of the emergency meeting, "We should get things moving if we want to catch them off, guards." He turned to Kiba next and gestured him to go, "You should get yourself patched up/"

Without any negative reactions, Kiba quietly obeyed Shikamaru and left the party.

When he was out of sight, everyone seemingly breath out in relief. Now that the problem's gone, they have to tune in and deal with the real problem here, the Oto soldiers.

"Is someone's going to tell us what's happening then? Besides the fact that the Oto soldiers are fast approaching and we're basically handing them our lives?" Naruto voiced out first, Kakashi's arrival and the information with him had him nervous and even so, it all felt surreal for him.

"That's basically the summary of it." Neji replied, trying to explain what they've talked about on their way to their meeting place, "Either way, we're handing them down our lives. Qe can't simply let them march on here. If that happens they might get us distracted and let some of their soldiers walk straight to Konoha. We might as well face them head-on instead of waiting them out here."

"Neji's right." Shikamaru grimly agreed, "We can't turn back or we're lead the Oto soldiers back at Konoha, the other camps are too far away to lend us help. Everything that we have here is the only thing that we can use and based on our last mission… It might not be enough."

"Intel told me that they've seen the Oto soldiers preparing an experimental bomb but not just any kind of a bomb, a biological one, we don't have any information on what kind of what effect that that can cause abut we can't afford them to use it. Not to us and not to Konoha."

Having recovered from the situation Sasuke decided to chime in, "If we let them in our base camp, they might use that bomb if they realized that we prepared a fight for them. That'll be fairly hard considering that our base is fairly small compared to them, one bomb can simply wipe us out, right there and then."

Naruto knows what's about to happen but knowing him he tried to make the mood better, putting up a smile and preparing an encouraging speech, "It's not like we're going to d—"

"It's a suicide mission, Naruto." Only to get crushed by Kakashi.

The room got eerily quiet after that. They didn't expect Kakashi to blurt it out. Even if they know that it will be a highly dangerous mission, hearing those words made it heavier.

Everyone seems to ponder on their lives, a reminiscing face flash before their eyes.

And to Sasuke, this moment reminded him of something fairly similar to their current situation.

**_He heard his own voice screaming in panic, anger, and worry,_ ** **_"Don't! That's suicide!"_ **

He didn't know why these memories of his nightmare are coming up again and again, it wasn't just the goriest situations, it's as if every part of the nightmare is all coming back to him. It felt, real and it's getting even real as it repeats and repeats all over again in his head.

Naruto stared at them dumbfoundedly, "But I thought you guys figured it out?"

"Partly but based on the intel that we've received, the Oto soldiers are twice as ours. Even so, we still need to leave a few of our soldiers here to guard this point. The Oto might separate a small group of soldiers and try to back door us. We can't let that happen." Shikamaru filled Naruto with information, "Just as Sasuke always says. It's better to be safe than to be sorry."

Naruto ignored the Shikamaru's last words and tried to find a way around it, "Can't we really do something that will bring our chances of winning this battle even just a little higher?"

For a moment, no one speaks up, trying to derive a solution and a possible higher chance of survival in the mission. And that's when Sasuke got an idea.

"What about the formation that we did before?"

Neji peered questioningly at the Uchiha, "What do you mean?"

"From our last mission."

Unnoticed by everyone, Naruto started fidgeting by the topic of their last mission but Sasuke kept going on with his _plan_ of some sort.

"We can place the sniper unit up on top, we can shoot strategically from there. The others can stay on the front lines and sidelines. If I'm basing everything from what had happened from all of our encounters, their sniper unit is poor and weak, we can take them out right away." Sasuke's plan roll along with his tongue, however, he knows that like he didn't actually know what had transpired in their last mission, not fully anyway. All he knows is that they were in that tower, the tower that appeared from his nightmare.

**_The room was dim as the only source of light comes from the only window. He hears the patter of the raindrops on the roof of the tower and then he began to hear the gunfire around him, he was in the middle of the battlefield._ **

He paused for a while, trying to think about it hard but all that he remembers from it is the information of the sniper unit and the location and position of every soldier from their side and the enemies' side. But the battle, it was all lost to him.

"Sasuke?"

As if waking up from a trance, Sasuke shook it away and tried to continue his so-called plan, basing everything on what he can gather. "We still have the advantage,"

"We know that they're coming for us but they don't know that we're bringing the fightback at them. We can plant trip mines and bomb them if we positioned ourselves strategically. We can bring the element of surprise to them."

Yamato nodded his head in Sasuke's plan. They can definitely set up traps all over the place, that will take hours of careful planning and positioning but that's not the most crucial part, what they need to watch out for is the exact location that they can ambush the Oto soldiers. Without the proper and exact location, all of these planning would be thrown straight in the trash.

"Sasuke's right, we still have a shot at this but can you map out our destination? We can use the terrain against them, yes. But the location is the most crucial part of this mission. The coordinates should be precise."

With confidence, Sasuke nods his head once, "I remember them like the back of my hand."

Having heard enough of it, Kakashi stands up straight and turned to address them. They have to start with the plan immediately if they wanted to counterattack the Oto soldiers. They have to move now and move fast.

"Shikamaru, Sasuke, Neji," "The three of you devise a plan on where, how, and when are we going to attack them."

"Shino, join Yamato and prepare everything that we'll need, maybe you can get Kiba afterward and help you with it, Naruto, follow me. We need to make sure that we have enough artillery for this."

With Kakashi's commands, they moved immediately and started with their plan.

The three strategists pinpointed the location that they can set the ambush, they've also created a plan for every soldier positions out in the field. The sniper unit would camp out to find a good spot to spot for the enemy's sniper unit, bomb specialist, and the other vital personnel behind, the sidelines will wait until the Oto soldiers will pass them as they will try to take out the middlemen and finally the front lines will try to thin out the men at the front. They planned to attack as soon as the trip mines go off. They aren't really exactly sure how many soldiers they are battling but they just have to hope that this plan would be enough to fight them off.

Shino, Yamato together with Kiba gathered the other soldiers, briefing and prepping them for the upcoming battle. They've chosen who will be the few ones to remain at the base camp in case that the Oto infantry decided to split up and the decided who will join them in the front lines. They've told them what risks that they're taking by joining the mission, they've even given them a choice of backing out since the mission seems to be impossible. Fortunately, no one backed out, no man left behind, they said.

Naruto and Kakashi readied all the guns, ammo, bombs, and grenades that the camp has. Luckily, Kakashi arrived with a decent amount of supplies back from Konoha. He also sent a message to the neighboring camp, telling them their plans and asking them for reinforcements as soon as possible. He knew that the others won't arrive in time for the ambush that they are planning, however, he cannot let any single Oto soldier take a step in their base. So, might as well, call on a clean-up team for them.

When the preparations are done in every aspect, they packed up and move towards the coordinates that they've pinpointed. It took them two hours trekking the forest before arriving at the location, it wasn't much, a small clearing in the middle, tall trees, thick bushes, it was perfect for an ambush but not too much for a cover.

Quickly, they've set up the trip mines and checked the locations that they will be holding. The sniper unit decided to split up again, two snipers from each side and one near the front lines, Neji and Sasuke will once again team up and will camp on the left side of the terrain, where they think will be the best spot to take down the enemy soldiers. Naruto will lead the sidelines together with Sai and Kiba, they will be in a crucial spot since the enemies may shot them at any side since they are planning to attack from the middle of the infantry. Kakashi and Yamato will be at the frontlines, commanding every soldier and every unit available in their squad together with Shikamaru who will also be a commanding officer in the mission, Shino is also with them, their bomb specialist, they've planted defensive bombs all over the place that they will detonate strategically.

As everyone gathered up and talked to each other, the commanding officers, Kakashi and Yamato checked in with the process and preparations of the infantry.

"Is everything set?"

"Yes." Shikamaru had a distant look when he spoke but he immediately shook it off and get himself together, "The only thing's missing is the Oto soldiers."

Kakashi checked his clock, "We might encounter them real soon."

He turned to them and saw the grim look on their faces, "I don't want to make it much heavier than it is now but I need to let you know that I've contacted the quarters."

They looked at him in curiosity although he can see that some of them, namely Shikamaru, Sasuke, and Yamato already have an idea of what he's implying.

Nervously, Naruto asked Kakashi to go on, "What… What did you tell them?"

It took a while for Kakashi to respond, he took a deep breath before breaking out the news to them, "As a last resort, I asked them to be ready for my signal to drop _it_ just in case that we need it."

The grave news stunned them even if some of them knew that it was coming to it.

Perhaps, it is the best option, if they couldn't survive the fight between them, might as well bomb their location. That's the only way that they can make sure that the Oto soldiers won't be passing their base camp and possibly bring the fight at the Fire Country.

Kakashi gave them time to take it all in before breaking the grim silence between them all.

"We should probably go into position as well, we wouldn't want to be caught off guards."

The others nodded in silence, still taken aback by the news that Kakashi just dropped.

"Before we go," Kakashi straightened himself and turned to each one of them, "Whatever happens today, I just want to say that I'm gladly fighting alongside you."

This made Naruto grin widely, tears gathering up in his eyes, nodding his head vigorously.

Sasuke smirks at this, he has known Kakashi ever since he entered the academy, and of course, Naruto is his best buddy, not that he will ever admit that, but seeing that this might be the end. It brings him back.

"Now, get into position and when the time comes, fight for your lives because that's the only way that we can do this." In a commanding voice, Kakashi barked at them, "Do you understand?"

The soldiers before him immediately straightened their posture before saluting and responding in synch.

"Aye, sir!"

On cue, they dispersed and went into position.

On the west side, Sasuke and Neji are assembling and positioning their sniper rifles.

Sasuke's checking to adjust his scope while Neji stares at him, "Be honest with me, Uchiha,"

The said man didn't stop at what he was doing but he glanced at Neji to give him a sign that he is listening. He knew what Neji is implying but he assumes that the conversation will only end up in the same situation earlier and so, he didn't bother to reply to him.

When Sasuke didn't reply, Neji sighs and continues, "Are you sure that you are qualified for this mission?"

And yet, Sasuke still didn't reply. Knowing what will make him respond, the Hyuuga revealed information that he knows the Uchiha's been hiding, "I know you're having panic attacks."

Sasuke's eyes immediately flew on Neji's face, glaring at him. And to make a point, Neji added, "Frequently."

"Affirmative," Sasuke answered Neji's previous question instead of commenting on what he just revealed.

Uncharacteristically, Neji called him, first name basis. "Sasuke."

The Uchiha sighs but before he even got to say anything, Neji said something that Sasuke wasn't expecting him to say.

"Stay strong out there."

With that, the two continued to prep in silence.

Sasuke's mind wanders for a while, this will be the first fight ever since the last one that he mostly forgot.

_"You froze in our training Sasuke, four times in a row."_

He remembered Naruto's words, for a few weeks now, he's been getting flashbacks from his nightmare when they are doing target practice. It made him nervous, thinking that it might've happened this time again.

Sasuke took several deep breaths, he couldn't afford to have panic attacks in the middle of the battlefield. Especially, as crucial as this one, he needs to get his head in the game and focus on nothing else but getting that one shot, one kill.

He peeked into his lenses to check on the direction where the Oto soldiers are supposed to come from. Lo and behold, he can see a small silhouette from afar.

"Hyuuga."

In the alert, Neji prone beside Sasuke and peered into his scope. Surely enough, he saw the silhouette of the armed soldiers. He grabbed his radio without taking his eyes off of the enemies.

"This is Stork. They're here. 10 minutes."

The radio buzzed in awake as Kakashi's voice went through, "Roger that."

The Hyuuga repositioned himself so he could prone more comfortably and move more freely to make the shots, "Here goes nothing."

The longest 10 minutes came and the moment that the Oto soldiers triggered the trip mines, Sasuke and Neji went to work.

At first, Sasuke froze for a while, taking a big gulp and a deep breath, he peered into his scope and takes a look for an opening. _'Focus. I can't mess this up.'_

Going with the plan, they saw the enemy's sniper unit at the back which they always were in their campaigns. While they swiftly shoot the enemy's snipers down, the other sniper unit from their infantry shot down some of the armed officers at the back as well.

When Sasuke was sure that they gunned down the snipers and the scouts, he grabbed his radio to report, "Raven and Stork coming in. We eliminated their sniper unit."

Neji cut in as well, still looking through his scope, "We can spot the bomb specialist form here."

"Copy that. Proceed on to the bomb specialists. Eyes out on that experimental bomb, we don't want that anywhere near us."

"Aye, Sir."

Back at the frontlines, Kakashi backed a bit to reload his rifle and while he was at it, he eyed Shino to throw a command, "They've detonated all the trip mines that we've planted. Be ready for the defensive grenade."

"Copy that." Shino nodded and went to the back, holding three detonators and awaiting for Kakashi's signal.

"Now!"

Back at the west side, Sasuke and Neji continued to gun down the soldiers that get too close to the sidelines.

Right after, Kakashi called the shot, they quickly snipe down the bomb specialists at the back, however, there were no signs of any bomb with them. _Something's wrong._

Sasuke focused on the fight, assessed their situation and he instantaneously know that this fight is impossible to win, almost too impossible. They expected that there will be at least doubled the amount of Oto soldiers but based on the circumstances, all of their plans might just not be enough.

A loud explosion suddenly went off, followed by another one, and finally, one more which exploded uncomfortably near them.

Sasuke's focus shattered almost immediately, flashbacks of his nightmares came flooding into his senses.

**_The grenade exploded from her feet and the chain reacted to the bomb that she was carrying. The two bombs created a much larger explosion, enough to cease the fire from both sides._ **

"That must be the–" Neji voiced out, fully unaware that Sasuke's frozen as his panic attacks are slowly kicking in, "Fuck! They've used smoke bombs!"

Sasuke tried to calm himself and shake the feeling of but he can feel that he's getting out of breath/ He peered through his scope only to see nothing but smoke.

_Smoke._

_No._

_He can't think of that again._

"Crow, come in. We don't have any visuals."

In the background, he can hear Neji's panicked voice talking to Kakashi through their comms, "Stand by, we'll try to take them on."

Series of gunshots are heard from their directions but they can't do anything as the smoke barely clears up, they can't even see the silhouettes of the soldiers.

It's just a huge cluster of smoke and that's where everything went awry.

"Fox, coming in, the sideline is being dominated!" Sasuke never heard Naruto so panicked in his life, he always sounds determined but hearing him scared for his life only shows how dire their situation is.

Another voice came through and it was their head strategist this time, "We can't let them get through!"

"We're losing man down here. We need supp–" Naruto barked back he didn't even finish his sentence as he went back fighting off the Oto soldiers.

The gunshots weren't helping nor the bomb and the smoke. Everything is going down and he felt like one of the scenarios in his nightmares will come true to live.

The sound of gunshots slowly dulled into his ears as his chest tightens, making it difficult for him to breathe, _"No…"_

_"I can't… That was just a nightmare. I need to focus on. I can't have an attack now."_

He kept telling that to himself but he knows that it isn't as easy as that, it won't be as easy as he wants it to be. And right now, the battlefield is a bad place to be at. Especially for him who has panic attacks. He knows that gunshots and explosions trigger him and he fully regrets that he didn't do anything about it before. Now, he's stuck in the middle of the battlefield, battling his own mind for control and possibly jeopardizing his team.

But he knows that it won't stop and that it will only get worse.

"Stork, can you reposition?" He heard Kakashi's voice again addressing to Neji who's beside him, his eyes glued on the thick smoke in the battlefield, "Yes, sir. Where do you need me?"

"Proceed to the sidelines with Fox. Raven, stay on your position as soon as the smoke clears, we need you to shot down anyone who gets too close."

"Roger that."

Without any hesitation, Neji crouched from his prone position and tidied up his sniper rifle quickly. He didn't realize that Sasuke's having a panic attack, he didn't even look at him as he busied himself up with his gun wanting to get quickly as possible to the sidelines.

Sasuke didn't want Neji to notice too anyways, he has to keep going. It might be a bad choice but he didn't have much of a choice either. He needs to fight off the Oto soldiers, he needs to fight through his attacks.

However, just when he thought that he could do it and fight through his attacks, Neji asked him a question that brings him back right to the heart of that _nightmare_.

"Can you handle this by yourself?"

All of a sudden, he was thrown back to the last location of their mission, _the tower_. He could eerily hear the patter of the rain.

He remembered how Neji looked furiously at him and asked him the same thing,

**_"Can you do it by yourself?"_ **

And of course, he answered as he did in that memory,

"I… I can manage. They need you more down there."

**_"I can handle this! Just go! They need you there!"_ **

He was trying so hard not to look that he's having an attack and he succeeded as Neji just nodded and run down to the sidelines without even looking back at him.

This is it, he's all alone again and that nightmare… or was it a memory?

Whatever it is, it's all going back again.

_It's happening again._

A static sound went through his radio comms before he heard Kakashi's voice, "Raven, do you have any visuals yet?"

**_"Raven! I need visuals!"_ **

The words are freaking him quite a lot. This couldn't be another nightmare, could it? Was he dreaming all along? Was Kakashi's arrival a lie? Could it be that this is just one of his vivid nightmares?

"N-negative, Sir. I'll try to spot for their outline but I can't promise anything." Sasuke almost choke on what he had said, he didn't know what's happening to him but his mind just blurted out a similar response again.

**_"I'll try to take as much as I can but I can't promise anything."_ **

And like all of his nightmares. What transpired next felt like everything is on repeat again.

It's triggering him so much that he couldn't focus anymore. He just lay there on his stomach while hands are shaking, losing his grip on his sniper rifle. His chest is constricting so hard he couldn't breathe as his eyes stare shock at the radio.

_It's happening again._

_It's happening again._

_It's happening again._

Like a chant, his mind repeated this thought over and over again.

"We need to come up with a better plan. That grenade takes us by surprise." Kakashi

**_"We need to take the upper hand or else we'll join the others in the middle."_ **

"Shit! We need back up! Tiger has been shot!" Naruto's voice was loud and horrified, "We can't win like this, they're too many!"

And then another voice came through the comms, "I have a plan!"

**_"I have a plan."_ **

Sasuke's stomach churned as he remembered everything that's about to happen.

_Sakura._

"We can throw grenades on them. I'm not sure but the fire or heat might disperse this thick smoke. It should also delay them to advance to us."

**_"I have the experimental bomb from the HQ, I just need to plant it in the building that they're camping at."_ **

Sasuke didn't even focus on the fact that there was no Sakura at this circumstance, that this time, it's Kiba that's trying to do what Sakura _has done_.

As his hyper consciousness kicks in, the sounds of gunshots made him jump and the conversation between Kakashi and the others made it looks like it was dramatic music playing in the background.

"We only have the FOGs with us," Kakashi grimly said, "At this range, it will detonate long before it reaches them. We're too far from it, Wolf."

Kiba's voice turned determined, "I know, but I can go a little closer to make sure that the grenade will reach them."

"Are you out of your mind, Kiba?!" Naruto's voice suddenly boomed through the comms, "That's… That's…"

"Suicide."

_"Suicide,"_ Sasuke muttered under his breath, remembering the moment that he said that instead of Neji.

**_"Don't! That's suicide!"_ **

"I know. But it's the only shot that we got. Besides, I think it's time to pay the price…" Guilt is evident in Kiba's voice. However, this went unnoticed by Sasuke as he was just fidgety from every gunshot and every word that they came out from the others because in his mind, everything is just replaying and he knows that by the end of this, someone will _die._

"Kiba. Are you sure about this?"

**_"Are you sure about this?"_ **

"Yes, Sir. It's our only chance. Let's do our best, we can't keep losing to them."

**_"Yes. Take them in the front, Raven will cover from above and I'll do my best to crawl up to them."_ **

"Good luck out there, Kiba." Kakashi quietly said and the comms went off.

As their new plan goes on in the frontlines, Sasuke stayed there unmoving, his breath still ragged as his mind goes a thousand miles, _"This can't be happening again."_

_"This can't be real… This is only a nightmare. I need to wake up, I can't see her die."_

Of course, he knows that Sakura isn't anywhere near but deep inside him he felt that Sakura will come out sooner or later and like how every nightmare of his ends up. _She'll die._

Everyone's already claiming that she's dead. She even said it herself,

"I'm dead, ain't I?"

But this time, if she did die, he knows that it will be set into stone.

And he knows that he won't be able to survive that.

_He'll go insane._

Sasuke tried to make sense out of everything but every single time that he tells himself that everything will be fine. The flashbacks are coming back at him.

"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, pushing himself up from the coarse dirt and paces back and forth. His mind is all over the place.

Cutting off his inner dilemma, Naruto's panicked voice boomed once again in the comms, "NO! The smoke is clearing we don't need to – KIBA!"

Sasuke prone next to his sniper rifle once again pushing aside the fact that he is not in the shape to do anything in the fight. _But he has to try._

"Direct all your fires in the front lines!" Kakashi commanded after Naruto, "Cover, Kiba!"

Hearing the command, Sasuke peered into his scope but what he saw caught him off guard.

_It wasn't Kiba_

The pink hair made that clear.

_Pink hair._

The familiar silhouette almost made him vomit, his inside felt like it was all tangled up with each other.

_"This can't be happening."_

Sasuke went into a full panic mode but instead of dropping his gun, he began to snipe at the battlefield furiously gunning down the enemies that got close to _Sakura_ until he had to reload his gun.

Little did he know, that ever shot that he takes didn't do anything at all, it just whizzes past the enemies.

After reloading, he turned to the battlefield again, sniping the enemies behind _Sakura's_ but _she_ was immediately surrounded by the enemies. He continues to fire on them while trying to watch _Sakura's_ back.

He felt his heartache quickens knowing that the situation is about to go awry.

His adrenaline rushes into his system as he sniped them one by one, his hands were trembling in panic, nervousness, and fear. His heart wanted to explode in the sudden adrenaline.

Sasuke was rapidly shooting them, not noticing how _Sakura_ moved closer to one of the Oto soldiers and before he knew it, it was already there, right before his eyes. _Death._

It's as if the whole world slowed down once more, he saw how his bullet traveled through the distance between and the battlefield. _She_ couldn't possibly dodge that bullet. He knows _she_ can't.

_The sound of the gunshots dulled into his ears._

_He couldn't breathe._

_His vision is blurry._

_It's all over now._

"SAKURA!"

He couldn't believe what he had done. Through his scope, he saw how the bullet penetrated _Sakura's_ temple and as if it wasn't enough, the enemies shot _her_ from left to right, making sure that _she's_ dead and _she stays dead._

"No… NO!"

Sasuke forcefully tore himself away from his scope, he stared at his trembling hands.

_He killed her._

"Man down! I repeat, man down!"

Kakashi's frantic voice went unheard by Sasuke as his feet gave out, he sits lifeless on the dirt, he wasn't even crying, he just sat there.

_A human shell without a soul._

He felt the immense pain again, the felt grief, sadness, loneliness, anger it came back flooding.

As the memories came crashing in.

**_Sasuke saw her body and her severed limbs fell into the ground. Her mangled body, her hair, and skin were burnt making it hard to even make sense of her features. Her legs were torn away from her body because of the bomb that went off ln her hips. Her ribs, stomach, and intestines were exposed from the explosion of the two bombs._ **

And then he remembered something, that shook his entire being.

**_"YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED HER!"_ **

He saw himself struggling against the hold of Naruto, Sai, and Neji. His body full of bandage, the one on his hand is soaked in blood and he subconsciously felt the pain of the wounds and bruises all over his body. He was furiously shouting at Kiba and glaring into everyone and anyone that he sees.

He felt confused by that memory. That was never a part of the nightmare. _Nightmare?_

**_"SHE FUCKING DIED AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"_ **

**_Naruto pulled him back careful not to agitate him more, "Please, Sasuke, you need to res –"_ **

**_Sasuke snapped his head at Naruto and pulled away from him, "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"_ **

**_Before the blonde can even say anything, Sasuke jumped at him, gripping his collar tightly, "I called for you Naruto. I told you to call orders…"_ **

**_He felt wetness on his cheeks but he didn't felt pain no more, just a numb feeling in_ ** **_side his_ ** **_chest, "…But you didn't."_ **

**_Finally, he lets go of Naruto with force, making him lose his balance and stumbled a bit._ **

**_"And now she's fucking dead."_ ** **_The words came out like a whisper as his_ ** **_feet gave out_ ** **_._ **

**_He_ ** **_sat there without any care in the world,_ ** **_he didn't even care if everyone saw him cry._ **

**_He didn't care anymore._ **

**_"I_ ** **_watched her die…"_ **

With a ghastly voice, Sasuke repeated what he had said in that _memory,_ "I watched her die…"

Sasuke sits motionless on the ground, he didn't know what to feel. The memory made him insane, he didn't know anymore.

There are so many questions running through his head.

_Questions that he couldn't answer._

_Questions that he doesn't want to know the answer to._

_He didn't know the truth anymore._

_And he didn't want to know the truth anymore._

Sasuke sat there dead to the world. He tried to look back to the times that he was with Sakura. He was pretty sure that she is real. He talked to her every night, he can even touch her, hold her and kiss her.

Everything just doesn't make sense.

As he was trying to grasp reality.

The infantry is panicking, they're already lost so many soldiers and yet it seems like the Oto soldiers didn't lose any.

_They are losing._

_They have to act fast._

"We can't win this." Kakashi announced through the comms, "Pack up everyone. I'll call the headquarters."

"The sniper units aren't responding." A stern and grim voice from Shikamaru was heard.

"Wha– Sasuke, are you there?" Naruto's voice quickly came through, panic in his voice, "Sasu–"

"There's no time for that, Naruto." Kakashi quickly cut him off and proceeded with an announcement, "Everyone, if you survived and still have the strength, go to the rendezvous point immediately."

"They will bomb this location. We have to get out of here fast."

After Kakashi's announcement, the same obnoxious voice speaks again.

"SASUKE! CAN YOU HEAR ME? GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!" Naruto screamed bloody murder in the radio comms before it turned into a desperate-sounding one, "Sai's gone. Kiba too."

There was a short pause before the radio came to life again, "I can't lose you too, Sasuke."

Without warning, another voice chimed in, "I'll get the Uchiha."

"Neji?"

"I'm already on my way to him, we'll catch up with the rendezvous point."

The line was cut off after that.

The gunshots still didn't cease, bombs and grenades are thrown and exploding.

And Sasuke.

Sasuke remained absent from the world. He didn't know what was happening, he didn't care at all.

He was trying to grasp reality but everything just feels surreal for him. He's almost convinced that this too, is a nightmare.

After a few minutes, a familiar face came running to him, "Uchiha? Uchiha!"

Neji put a hand on his shoulder, "Get your ass up! We're retreating, everyone's on the way to the rendezvous point."

when he didn't respond, Neji kneeled before him.

What he saw almost haunted him. He never saw the Uchiha like that before.

His face is void of any emotion, his whole body is trembling and his breathing is ragged as he was having a—

"Panic attack."

Seeing that Sasuke wouldn't move anytime now, he grabbed Sasuke's sniper rifle and swiftly disassembled it, sliding it onto his back.

Securing the rifles, Neji hoised Sasuke up, putting an arm around him and taking Sasuke's arm around his neck. Supporting him up on his feet.

"We need to go now!"

The two trekked the forest, careful not to cross the enemies. They are two snipers and even if they have their personal defense weapons, Neji knew that without Sasuke, they wouldn't make it out alive if they ever encountered someone else.

Neji tried to talk to Sasuke as well but unfortunately, the Uchiha's still unresponsive. Although his breath returned to normal, he doubts that he'll talk any time soon. Whatever Sasuke saw, it surely haunted him. The Hyuuga felt a bit guilty, he knew about Sasuke's situation, and yet he didn't do anything about it, he didn't say anything about it and worse, he even left him by himself.

After about thirty minutes of walking and making sure that no one followed them, they reached the rendezvous point where not a lot of soldiers were waiting.

Kakashi is the first one to notice them. "Uchiha. Hyuuga."

Seeing that Hyuuga's supporting Sasuke, he thought of the worst. He quickly moved to help them but then a blur of yellow run past him.

"SASUKE!"

And the next thing that they know is that the Uchiha is on the ground. The corner of his lip busted.

Naruto punched him hard. Breaking him out of the stupor.

Sasuke looked at Naruto but he didn't show any emotion.

"We all know what you did!" Naruto shouted at him again and when he moved to attack Sasuke again, Kakashi, Yamato, and Shikamaru hold him back while Neji moved in between them.

The blonde tried to pry their hands away as he continued to shout at Sasuke, "I can't believe you! You're fucking sick!"

Neji turned to the other three, confused about Naruto's sudden outburst, "What's happening?"

Kakashi was the one to answer Neji, "Shikamaru told us that it wasn't the Oto soldiers who gunned down Kiba."

At this point, the tension thickened as Kakashi dropped the bomb on Neji and everyone else who didn't know it yet.

"It was Sasuke."

Hearing that Sasuke slowly turns his head at Kakashi.

_"I... I shot, Kiba?"_ Sasuke couldn't believe what he just heard. It couldn't possibly be it.

Naruto shouted at him again, "YOU BASTARD!"

Sasuke tried to say something but he was quickly cut off by Shikamaru, "I di—"

"I thought you were just missing some of the hits," Shikamaru explained as he helps to hold Naruto back, "that your aim was off but then when Kiba was shot, I noticed something."

"The shot wasn't coming from the front, where the Oto soldiers were. It came from the west side. From your side and knowing that Neji's already repositioned on the sidelines. You're the only one who could've done it."

Sasuke stares shock at him, he couldn't really remember a thing, "I don't..."

Sasuke was so confused as he didn't even remember seeing Kiba when he was shooting, "I didn't..."

"Why did the fuck did you do it?!" Naruto forcefully pries himself free from the three and immediately grabbed Sasuke up by his collar, "Was this because of Sakura, huh?!"

_Sakura_.

No. He didn't want to be reminded of her. He didn't want to think about her. He didn't want to look back at what happened. _He killed her._

"Stop."

Naruto didn't notice how Sasuke's voice trembled when he said it, he kept pushing for an answer instead, "No! Tell me Sasuke! Did you shot him so you could get revenge, huh?"

Sasuke's breathing begins to quicken, he can already feel his heart thumping fast and loud.

He can't have an attack again.

He can't do it anymore.

He's just so tired and confused

_He's just so drained._

"Stop it."

He murmured under his breath just enough for Naruto to hear it.

But Naruto didn't care about it at all, all that he wanted is an answer from the Uchiha, "Fucking answer me then! Why did you sho—"

"I SAID STOP IT!"

Sasuke shoved Naruto away from him, the blonde was about to come at him again but he stopped halfway when he Sasuke crying.

The tears stream down on his face, his face contorted in pain. He grasps the front of his uniform taking gasps now and then.

This alerted everyone of them.

Kakashi and Neji moved closer to Sasuke in case he needed help.

Naruto was taken aback, he didn't know that this affected the Uchiha so much. All that he thought is that Sasuke wanted revenge.

"Sasuke..."

"I don't know! I didn't know it was him!"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"I..." The memory came crashing back on him, he shakes his head violently, trying to get it off of his mind, "All I saw that it was Sakura..."

"All that I can see is that it was her who I shot dead!" Sasuke felt like it was him against the world. He truly didn't know what was happening.

All this time he thought that it was Sakura and knowing that it wasn't actually her.

He felt like his mind is going to break.

"I didn't know, okay?!"

"I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!"

Naruto got amped up again, he couldn't believe what Sasuke was talking about.

A lot of men lost their lives fighting that battle and even as they speak, some of the men remained in the battle.

"Bullshit!" Naruto pointed a finger at Sasuke, "How could you fucking see Sakura?! She's fucking dead, Sasuke!"

This alerted Neji and Kakashi, "Naruto!"

But Naruto wasn't having it, he had enough of being sympathetic, he had enough of everything that's happening. "No! I had enough! You always talk about Sakura like she is alive but she isn't Sasuke! She's dead! And she'll remain dead."

Sasuke'sd whole being reignited when he heard Naruto's last words.

_"She'll remain dead."_

Sasuke charged at Naruto, gripping his collar with both of his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white, "YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I SAW!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW I FEEL!"

Everyone's taken aback by the Uchiha's sudden outburst. His voice is full of emotion but it wasn't just an emotion. It was full of rage, grief, and most of all, it was full of pain.

Naruto was stunned too. It wasn't the first time that he saw Sasuke burst out of rage. But to see Sasuke in his current state is shocking to him.

The others heard his voice but Naruto saw his eyes.

Staring at him sends shivers down his spine as he wonders, what happened that made Sasuke so...

**_Broken._ **

Sasuke didn't give a fuck about what everyone thought of him as he blurted out everything at Naruto, "I dream about her every night!"

"I dream about her dying in front of me over and over again AND I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!"

"And I'll wake up." Sasuke's face scrunched up, he felt immense pain, "I'll wake up and she'll be there! She's the ONLY ONE..."

His grip on Naruto's collar loosens a bit as he continued pouring himself out, "... the ONLY ONE who fucking cares about me. The only one who calms me down."

Finally, he removes his hold on Naruto and stares at him instead, "I don't fucking remember what happened at our last mission, Naruto."

He gently shook his head dejectedly, "One day, I just woke up and everything changed."

"For three weeks," Sasuke turned to the Shikamaru, Neji, and Shino, "For three fucking weeks, I was isolated from all of you. And I didn't even fucking know why."

"No one even bothered explaining to me why the fuck are you all talking about me. No one bothered telling me why the fuck everyone throws me a nasty look."

They all felt guilty about what Sasuke said.

Shikamaru's stomach dropped hearing Sasuke's words. He was the one who told them not to talk to Sasuke for a while, he's the one that told them to give him space without even considering what Sasuke needed. He just assumed that he will be fine that way.

Neji, too, looked down in shame, he noticed that Sasuke's experiencing panic attacks from time to time. He also notices that he gets triggered when he hears gunshots or any explosions. But he didn't do anything about it either, he mostly assumed that Sasuke is getting through it just fine.

But Naruto was the most guilty one. Even if Sasuke didn't say so, they both know that they treated each other as brothers. And yet when their last mission ended, he withdrew from Sasuke, thinking that the Uchiha hates him when in reality, Sasuke needed help after all. He wasn't there when Sasuke needed him the most.

There are times that he wanted to talk to him as well, but most of the time he shook it of, remembering Shikamaru's orders. He also saw him froze a lot of times but he didn't bother to say anything at all.

"Sasuke..."

"The times that I froze in our target practices?"

"I get triggered, Naruto." Almost ashamed of his experience, Sasuke averted his gaze, "I get panic attacks."

But his eyes flickered at Naruto, this time Sasuke's glaring at him, "Which was funny because you notice me freezing but you never even bothered asking me what happened or why did it happen. No one did. Everyone isolated me. Everyone abandoned me."

Sasuke ironically scoffs, "What happened to those who abandon their friends are worse than scum?"

Naruto's heart broke when he heard the last sentence. Even Kakashi looked pained when he heard Sasuke said that, "Sasuke... I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Of course, you fucking don't." Sasuke spits bitterly at the ground, "Everyone just assumes that I was fucking alright,"

"Because I'm the Uchiha, right? Surely, I can manage myself. That's what you all fucking thought about."

"So, I just have to live with it. I have to bear with it."

His mind drifted to the only person who helped him get through the night,

"It was only Sakura who helped me get through it."

Sasuke straightened himself up, walking towards Naruto in a challenge, "So tell me, how the fuck is she dead, Naruto?"

"How?"

Naruto fidgeted under Sasuke's gaze, "I... I don't know, Sasuke."

"But she really did. She really did die at our last mission." After hearing Sasuke's situation, he was confused as well. He can't even think of any logical scenario that Sakura might've survived.

"She told me that she was hiding from all of you. That you wanted her dead. And that it's actually better if you thought that she died."

The blonde shook his head, "That's impossible... She..."

Naruto trailed off, he didn't know what to say. He couldn't dismiss what Sasuke said without having any evidence. And Sakura's death? They don't really have something to show to prove that she died, except for the fact that everyone saw it. Even Sasuke did.

The eerie, gloomy, and full of tension atmosphere hangs on the air for a few minutes.

Shikamaru decided to speak up, careful of his words, guilty that he might inflict harm to Sasuke. Based on what he's seeing, Sasuke's already suffering from major mental illnesses. He couldn't afford to make it worse.

"Sasuke..." Shikamaru speaks cautiously, observing Sasuke's reactions, "The answers... might be in your dreams.

The Uchiha didn't say anything, he just stared at Shikamaru, waiting for him to continue, "You said it yourself. You saw her die "

This agitated Sasuke and glared at him, "It was all just a fucking nightmare!"

"Was it?" Shikamaru's voice turned determined.

_"It was... It was just a nightmare, right?"_ Sasuke reassured himself as the memories of his _nightmares_ came flashing back.

**_She stood before him when all of a sudden, a bullet penetrated her left temple and soon enough series of bullets came and shot her in every angle, leaving several holes in her body dripping with her blood as fell into the ground._ **

"Was it all just a nightmare?" Shikamaru continued to question Sasuke. Knowing that Sasuke's thinking and assessing every detail of his nightmares.

Sasuke's eyes rapidly move as he relives his nightmares.

**_There's a gaping wound from her chest, the blood seeps through her clothes as it pools around her, she sprawled on the ground motionless whilst her eyelids drift to shut_**.

"Think about it, Sasuke."

Shikamaru's voice become lost to him as he was pulled back into another vision,

**_Her limbs were torn apart, only her head and the upper portion of her arms remained attached to her body. Her face was blackened and burnt making it impossible to recognize her._ **

He shook his head, he didn't want to see any of this again, "No..."

But Shikamaru kept pressing the matter, "Think about it hard."

**_The bones from her legs and arms jutted out of her skin while she lays on the ground at an awkward angle, her head lulled as her was spine pulled from her back while her eyes continue to cry tears of blood._ **

The flashbacks are getting unbearable, he didn't want to see any of it anymore, "No!"

"All of those nightmares but was it really just a nightmare?"

**_A severed head rolls onto the pavement, her pink hair was cut short and is full of dirt and blood, one of her eyes were hanging out from its sockets as her lips were stitched shut together._ **

Sasuke's chest tightens, it gets harder to breathe.

"Or was it a memory?"

**_The flesh from her body was torn apart and exposed her ribs after being mauled by a pride of lions, the vultures took their place and started to peck on the remaining flesh off of her body as she plays with her eyes wide open._ **

He felt the hollowness creeping up in him again, it's as if he was tasting the darkness again.

"Are you sure it wasn't just your brain reminding you what happened that day?"

**_Part of her bloodied head burst into pieces, her brain is peaking out of her broken skull, her one sole eye dulled, staring into nothingness._ **

It was too much.

_It's was all too much._

"NO!"

With a scream, Sasuke panted and quickly ran away.

He needed to get away from them. He didn't need to be reminded of those nightmares again. He didn't need to relive every single one of it.

It was scary.

It was horrifying.

_It was traumatic._

"What the hell Shikamaru?!" Naruto quickly turned to where Sasuke left off, "Sasuke!"

"Don't." Kakashi firmly grasped Naruto's arm which the blonde didn't appreciate.

"You too, Kakashi?!" Naruto got furious, he felt as if they were abusing Sasuke and double-teaming him, "Didn't you heard him? He was suffering all this time!"

He felt the heavy feeling of guilt again, "And I didn't... I didn't even fucking do anything about it!"

With a determined face, he turned to Kakashi again, "I need to go after him!"

"No." Kakashi firmly stated, "Let him be, for now, Naruto."

Naruto was about to retort but Kakashi wasn't having it, "We'll talk to him when he comes back."

**.**

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**PAROXETINE**

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**.**

Still, out of breath from all the running and the panic that he's experiencing, he sat down and tried to catch his breath. Blocking out every single shit that has happened, trying not to think about it too much but no matter how hard he tried to do it. No matter how hard he tries to deny it. The memories still came flooding back.

He couldn't bear to relive all of his nightmares like that. _It was torture._

The conversation with Shikamaru made him confused, worn out, and anxious. He didn't want to believe what they were implying, especially because he's been interacting with her ever since their last mission. And so, whatever happened that day, whatever they claim that happened to her back then must've been not real. That or that she managed to survive that.

However, reliving his nightmares also made him realize something that only added to his confusion. Just thinking about it makes his head hurt.

His thoughts were cut off when he heard footsteps on his left. He turned to the direction of the noise and squinted his eyes, "Show yourself." He demanded.

The person behind the tree slowly stepped onto the light and as soon as Sasuke saw the person's features his eyes widened in recognition.

"Sakura?"

Sasuke felt that the universe was messing with up and fucking up his life while at it.

_The woman of the hour is here._

This _Sakura_ looked back at him worriedly, "Why are you here all by yourself?"

Before he can even think of anything else to respond, his instincts kicked in, "Don't go fucking near me!"

"Wha—"

"Not a single step!"

Sakura was taken aback, as she slightly raises her hands to show that she isn't carrying anything and that she means no harm, "What happened, Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't respond, he was trying to wrap everything in his head but it's only making his head hurt. _So bad._

"Sasuke?" Sakura called out at him again, "Are you having a panic attack?"

Memories of him and she for the past few weeks came coming back.

**_"You're having an attack again."_ **

**_His arms tightened around her as he clutches her clothing in despair._ **

**_"I thought you… I thought I…"_ **

**_He choked up in tears as he relived what had happened._ **

**_Sakura quickly cradles his face in her hands, staring at him with softness and concern. "Shhh… It's fine. You're. I'm here. We're both safe."_ **

**_She wrapped her arms around him again running a hand on his back, comforting him in silence. Sasuke, on the other hand, laid his head on her shoulder, his breath still ragged, and his eyes were still wet from tears._ **

"No... Stop..." His mind raises into a million thoughts, one of which is that the possibility that this Sakura before him isn't real, "Don't."

"I don't understand." She shakes her head in uncertainty, "What happened? Why won't you let me get near you?"

"I don't fucking know!"

**_"Sakura..." Her name rolls gently on his tongue as she hummed in response._ **

**_"You wouldn't leave me, would you?" His words came out soft and solemn, almost afraid of what her answers would be._ **

**_Sakura looked up to face him just as he peered down at her. And she replied almost breathlessly, "Never."_ **

**_He stared at her affectionately memorizing every detail of her face. The child-like shape of her face, her fair skin, the pastel pink hair that's surprisingly soft and fragrant despite their predicament, her soft pinkish lips that he so wanted to kiss, her long eyelashes that are a shade darker than her hair, and of course, how could he ever forget, her eyes. The emerald orbs that had seen all of him down to his very soul._ **

**_"I love you, Sakura."_ **

"I don't fucking know..." He whispered.

"Sasuke..."

His eyes flickered towards her "They told me you're dead, Sakura."

Sakura sighs, "Sasuke, we already talked about this."

"I don't know." He shook his head as he remembered Shikamaru's questioning,

**_"All of those nightmares but was it really just a nightmare? Or was it a memory?"_ **

And in a flash, it all comes crashing down once more.

**_A bullet penetrated her left temple and soon enough series of bullets came and shot her in every angle, leaving several holes in her body dripping with her blood as fell into the ground._ **

"I don't know..."

**_The blood from the gaping wound from her chest seeps through her clothes as it pools around her, she sprawled on the ground motionless whilst her eyelids drift to shut_**.

"I don't know anymore!"

**_Her limbs were torn apart, only her head and the upper portion of her arms remained attached to her body. Her face was blackened and burnt making it impossible to recognize her._ **

"Make it stop! Make them stop!"

**_The bones from her legs and arms jutted out of her skin while she lays on the ground at an awkward angle, her head lulled as her was spine pulled from her back while her eyes continue to cry tears of blood._ **

"Sasuke, you need to calm down!"

**_A severed head rolls onto the pavement, her pink hair was cut short and is full of dirt and blood, one of her eyes were hanging out from its sockets as her lips were stitched shut together._ **

"No! NO!"

**_The flesh from her body was torn apart and exposed her ribs after being mauled by a pride of lions, the vultures took their place and started to peck on the remaining flesh off of her body as she plays with her eyes wide open._ **

"Sasu—"

"STOP! STOP IT!" Sasuke thrashes down and fell on the dirt, Sakura rushes beside him, trying to ug him in comfort but he shrugs her off, shoving her away from him.

"Sasuke, please, you need to calm down." She spoke in a calm tone, trying to reach out at him once again.

He resisted her once more, glaring at her with his tear-filled eyes, "I don't even know what you are."

Sakura gasps and looked like she was about to cry as well, "It's me Sasuke. It's always been me."

"No..." He shook his head, "Those nightmares..."

"Those nightmares aren't real." Sakura firmly stated. The tone of her voice is stern and strict, sounding like she was reprimanding Sasuke from thinking that way.

"But the last one..." Sasuke whispered as he remembered his last _dream_.

**_He watches in horror as she got shot in the shoulder, he saw her face contorted in pain._ **

"The last one..."

**_He was focused on sniping the enemies but then one got away from his fingertips and shot Sakura on her side._ **

"The last one, Sakura."

**_From his scope, he saw one of the enemies threw a grenade on Sakura and before she can even react and get out of its way, it was already too late. The grenade exploded from Sakura's feet and the chain reacted to the bomb that she was carrying._ **

"The bomb... The bomb exploded... It... It killed..."

**_He waited for the smoke to clear and he regretted going so. He saw how her body and her severed limbs fell into the ground. He couldn't take his eyes away from her mangled body, her hair and skin were burnt making it hard to even make sense of her features. Her legs were torn away from her body because of the bomb that went off ln her hips. Her ribs, stomach, and intestines were exposed from the explosion of the two bombs._ **

"Was..." Sasuke looked at her, tears running down from his face, "Was it a nightmare too?"

Sakura stared back at him, her face full of worry and pain but she did not answer.

"Answer me, Sakura..."

Sasuke felt something inside him snapped, "ANSWER ME!"

He stared at her with a tired look in eyes, his voice almost pleading as he whispers…

**"Are you even real?"**

Sakura was taken aback at his question, her eyes are filled with pain as her lips turned into a frown.

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And then it slowly turns to a smile.

Sasuke stayed frozen from his place, shiver going down his spine as Sakura stared blankly at him with the creepy smile.

She slowly moves towards him and with every step forward, Sasuke takes a step back.

For every step that she takes, Sasuke felt a heavy feeling in his chest.

Sakura stopped after taking a few steps at him.

The same creepy smile still stuck on her face.

_A smile that never reached her eyes._

_Eyes that were void of emotion._

**"It doesn't really matter, does it?"**

Despite the fact that she is far enough from him, her voice sounded like she was whispering from his side. The ghastly and raspy voice shook his whole system. He couldn't understand what was happening.

**"We're already at the end anyway."**

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**_Fin._ **

* * *

:)

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's PAROXETINE.
> 
> Quick question: How did you perceive it to be?
> 
> I know it must be VERY confusing but to kind of clear things out, the reality of this fic is kinda up to you or on how you "perceive it to be" although originally, I actually have a clear explanation of what was happening to Sasuke and what really happened to Sakura (The title is a clue.)
> 
> You can ask me if you needed to know what was (my/the) real ending or explanation for it but overall, there three possible scenarios and explanations on what's going on in this story; is Sasuke going bonkers? Is Sakura a ghost? Or is she really alive and actually a traitor? Or maybe you have another ending, explanation, or theory around it. Do let me know!
> 
> Anyways, I hope y'all doing alright. I know that this time can be very difficult and so, I just want to say that you're not alone and whatever happens I hope that you take the time to take care of yourself.
> 
> And since it's October, y'know Haloween… Quick suggestion: Listen to Corpse Husband's narration of scary stories. You won't regret it! #onlystrands ;)
> 
> HAPPY HALOWEEN!


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